I Do Not Know

 L'absinthe by Degas

 

I have been away a helluva long time.

I am not sure why, exactly.  

I did, often want to write.  Part of why I did not may be from my avoidance of my home computer because it is so ancient and decrepit that it takes forever to get it going and is laggy and slow.  I only turned it on a few times to do actual U work.  

But, that does not really explain why I was away.  I do NOT really know why I was away so long.

* * * * * 

Perhaps an abbreviated list of highlights since my last post may help clarify in my mind why I was away:

• I did run every damn mile I committed myself to each weak (50+ miles each week (80+ km)). But, there was no joy in it, sadly. 
  
• There was only ONE major blowout related to the one I no longer mention here.  The ONE was not pleasant, but it was far fewer than I had feared having.  The "fewer" blowouts were facilitated by minimal interaction with the one no longer mentioned.  This is not the best approach, for I would rather things heal and become better.... but "if wishes were horses, beggars would ride" I guess.  
• A pair of holiday visitors unfortunately had undiagnosed Norovirus (diagnosed the next day).  It seemed to be passed on to both my wife and myself as we felt rough two days after their visit.  I may have a fairly robust constitution, for I ultimately did not vomit nor have the unfortunate "exit" effects..... but I had extensive and  significant nausea for few days.  My wife had SOME of the less pleasant effects, but not too aggressively. 
• I do not really have much in the way to say about fine tobaccos either.  I did not yet go to the pipe shop to try to have my musical instrument mouthpieces polished, although I would like to.  I think while there it would be very nice to have a pipe.  The cigar fellow from Mass has not been at our Mass the last couple of weeks (he must have had to go to Mass at other times), so I have not yet gotten to ask him any further about the gathering at the cigar shop.  If I were to go there, I think it would be very nice to have a cigar.  So... nothing has changed.... except perhaps my attitude of late. I seem to not care a helluva lot about anything at the moment.       
  

But, I just do not know.  I seem to be in some sort of situation where I am in a general air of malaise.  Nothing seems exciting or enthralling.  Nothing seems horrible or sinister.  I feel rather neutral, but neutral in a vague, empty, "nothingness" sort of way.  I have been sleeping a great deal, sometimes even getting 9-10 hours of sleep.  But I seem to have no drive, no passion, no hopes, no desires.  It is just odd.

• I also figured out that the ACTUAL estimate of how many damn miles I have on my running shoes is regrettably ~2,000 (~3,220 km)... which I do consider excessive.  I figured this out more precisely looking at my data more carefully yesterday.  I am hoping I can find a pair to buy in the next few days.  With that many miles, I have likely worn out damn near the entire sole, at least in regards to  any sort of impact cushioning.  
• I am also dealing with receiving another damnable "Jury Duty" service summons.  This will be the ninth damn time I have been called to serve.  At first I was all fired up about this.  NINE times is a helluva lot of times.  And, the courthouse here is so damn inflexible, that in the past I have written, my Dean has written, and hell, even the U President has written letters ask me to be either a) excused, or b) have my service moved to a different TIME (not in the semester).... but to no avail.  It is annoying, but I have given up trying.  I will just cope however I can.  It is a bunch of b*llsh*t thought.... being called NINE damn times.  The service starts at the beginning of February. 

That is about it for now.  I just feel very blah and rather "nothing".  Perhaps if I wait it out, it will eventually dissipate.  But, when?  Hah, perhaps tomorrow I will tell the tale of the "hopes and dreams" and "resolutions" for 2024?  Not much to say, though.

PipeTobacco