Very Tired

 

I didn't sleep well last night.  When I got home from band rehearsal, I was actually very enthused..... I had practiced a bit some of the harder parts, and the rehearsal went well.  The music is very enjoyable.  I had also prepared a new reed for my horn this week, and was trying out for the first time a significantly stiffer reed.  

My typical reed strength had been a "3" for many years.... mostly because it was the strongest reed typically available locally, and that for me, a stronger strength of reed helps me to produce both a more "pointed" sound and a pleasantly "rumbly" resonance in the lower register.  A lot of folks play on “2” or “2.5” reeds because they are softer and tend to be “easier” to blow through.  But, I am a big old bag of wind, so I like the stronger reeds.  

But a month or so ago, I found a surprisingly good deal on a pack of 10 reeds of the brand I like in STRENGTH 4..... on eBay.  I was surprised.  The few times I have ever seen them (in music catalogs) these higher stiffness reeds were awfully damn pricey.  The "4" I tried out last evening was wonderful!  I was able to manipulate my sound even more.  Even though none of our current music calls for it, sometimes the bass clarinet is desired to produce deep, "growly and grumbly" rumbly sounds.  I was testing out this possibility as we were warming up to play, and I was impressed at how much I liked the additional firmness of the "4" in that regard.  

So, why didn't I sleep well?  Well, a stray comment from my wife after I got home, unfortunately reminded me of a particular "issue" in the relationship with the individual I no longer talk about here.   And, it was NOT my wife's intention at all..... it was just a word association she made that reminded me of some aspect of the context of the situation with that non-spoken about individual.  It made me feel sad and frustrated and I ended up ruminating on it long into the night and into my dreams.

So, I woke up with a very mushy thought process this morning.  I hoped my stomping out 10 miles (~16km) this morning would have had me pound out the mush in my mind.  But it did not.  I made an ESPECIALLY LARGE, very robust, very bold iced coffee this morning, hoping the caffeine would solidify the mush.  It did not.  I have been lecturing in a very mushy state all day.  I have been trying to write a research talk with my mushy mind. 

And, even though, I can tell you that I truthfully would enjoy nothing more at the moment than to smoke a pipe or two or three.  And, I can tell you that I have reached for my pipe and tobacco a few times..... to at least smell the bowl and smell a pouch of the beautiful leaf.  I have been looking at the steadfast Zippo I have been carrying around in my pocket too.  I have flipped open the cap on it and spun the flint wheel and it would ignite beautifully each time.  

Yet, even though a bowl or two or three of beloved pipe tobacco would be so very soothing and comforting to me.... it likely would not alleviate my mushy headed feeling.  It appears that nothing will likely do that except perhaps a good night's rest.  

But, with the work I need to accomplish, sleep is unlikely an option until perhaps ~11:00pm.  I will just have to muddle through as best as I can for the rest of the day.  I am trying to work at NOT falling back into further rumination about the situation.  With tomorrow being a "quad-fecta" of "busy-ness".....1)  very heavy teaching in three classes..... 2) it being Ash Wednesday, with the needed Ash Wednesday Mass.... 3) it being Valentine's Day, and my need and desire to more overtly show my beloved wife how much I love and cherish and appreciate her in a traditional sort of "Valentiney" way..... and 4) it being the 6th Anniversary of my starting of this... (choose appropriate adjective below)  

a) contemptuous, 

b) sorrowful, 

c) "good" for me,

d)  #$&#!! (substitute cuss word of choice for the grawlix)

e)  other (Fill in the blank _________________)

... "journey" of laying down my friendly pipes.

and I can see Wednesday will be a VERY busy day.  I need to work to wrangle my mind into submission by bedtime, so rest will be attainable.  

PipeTobacco