The Other Side

I am feeling like I am coming out from the other side.  "The Other Side" was a German novel written by Kubin, and I believe it was sometime in the late 1970s when I read a translation of this work.  It was quite dystopian.

The last two weeks have felt rather dystopian to me. A brief synopsis:

• due to a "crisis" not of my making, the person of whom I no longer discuss has found need to move into our house for an indeterminate period of time.
• due to a "crisis" not of my making, one of my research teams required my rearranging my very cramped schedule to assist them in obtaining/preparing/analyzing data for a research meeting.  This put the kibosh on my long hoped for trip last Thursday (correction…. two Thursdays ago…. I am losing track of time it seems) to the "retirees" cigar group I had been looking so forward to participating in.  
• a cadre of about a dozen students in my new class have been, how shall I say, "needy" in terms of a lot of their "electronica" for the course. I work damn hard to make sure the electronic media/assignments adopted for this course are PRECISELY set up with due dates, and every damn bit of minutia I possibly can identify so that students can utilize the system easily and efficiently.  I explain to them on DAY 1 that I have tested and retested all links, due dates, and functionalities of these damnable electronic assignments and that the WORK and are SET UP properly. I explain to them on DAY 1 that they MUST be responsible for their own awareness of due dates from the extensive, multi-page document I give them that outlines each and every damnable due date for the entire semester.  I explain to them on DAY 1 that I am unable to address individual computer conundrums they may face and that if they have trouble, there is a hotline they can call for computer issues..... which is NOT ME.   But, a group of about a dozen of them were so "whiny" with the hotline folks that the hotline folks have contacted me by e-mail at least a dozen times saying they are reaching out for "such and such" student because they have concerns.  I wrote to all these folks telling them (as I also told EVERYONE in the face-to-face lecture and lab sessions last week) that I do not have the fortitude nor time to figure out what is going on with their own individual computer.  This had some of the cadre "freak out" about the idea that they might get a "0" on a 5 point assignment that was coming due.  One five point assignment of this sort is ONLY 0.3% of the points they can earn this semester.  ONE THIRD OF ONE PERCENT.  I gritted my teeth as best as I could (aggravating my TMJ in the process) and explained that they needed to go back and read the directions again and work with the folks on the hotline if they wanted to keep trying to get these points before the deadline to figure out what was going on with their particular computer that was not giving them the success they wanted.  

Less dystopian, but still aggravating to a degree.... when I went to examine the scores for the class on this microassignment on Saturday after the grades would post.... 96% of the students DID do it correctly and received the FULL POINTS.  I wanted to write to the whole dozen of the "freaking out" students.... "See.... if you follow the directions and use the help options I tell you about, YOU can figure this out." The three students who did not earn the points were students who did not even attempt the assignment or the computer access, so I have no pity for them.

* * * * *

The above computer crap happens (to a much lesser degree) every semester.  But, for whatever the reason, a LARGE number of the students in this new class are of the "freaking out" variety.   Today they have another electronic assignment (a quiz this time) that they must complete by a specific time.  We shall see how it goes, and I will see how many "freaking out" students I have in class tomorrow.  If they remain this way, it will be a rough semester.

* * * * * 

BUT.... with all of the above sh*t that is swirling around me, I came to a very powerful realization while at Mass this weekend.  It is thus:

REGARDLESS of all the moments of other folk's having one or more "crisis" and regardless of all the difficult situations that may transpire.... I HAVE the ability to still strive to have a life of feeling a) I am doing good, b) that I can find ways to be happy, regardless of the sh*t, and c) that I can persevere as best as I can to do what I believe is appropriate, fair, kind, and just.  

The above realization may not seem like much, but for me it helped me to find "The Other Side" of the the emotions I had been drowning in.  It is not that I am adopting a "Polly-annish" attitude that all is "candy and roses".  But, instead it is a focus on trying to not allow other's roiling emotional turmoil.... force me into perpetual turmoil as well.  I have the option and I can wring out the ability to feel and see a more positive day-to-day experience for myself.  I am trying to imagine myself in a suit of teflon, a suit that lets the roiling turmoils of other slide off me, so that I can instead focus on what is needed and necessary.  Obviously, some folks' turmoils ARE things I can help with, and help I still will.  But, I can also now (hopefully) better focus on what I can do, and not just be bombarded with it all.  

• besides Mass, running has also been a tremendous help.  Some days I truly hated the effort to run, but I knew that if I forced myself to do it, I would feel less stress when I was finished.  So, I have remained fully on track with my 50 miles a week (~81 km).
• I do feel frustrated that I missed my "retirees" cigar club that I had so been looking forward to.  I am trying to figure out my next option.  I probably will not have an available Thursday for that club (because it meets in the lunch period on that day, which is not usually available for me due to U efforts) until July now.  But, I have to figure out a pleasant option somehow.  

PipeTobacco