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Meloncholy

I was all set to report that my elderly mother has shown some improvement. Her severe edema has reduced by roughly 1/2. She was more alert and far more her typical self. She even seemed to listen to my advice and actually ate a complete meal for dinner. And, she received and USED an inspirometer today. Her volume is quite low but she showed some determination to keep at it.

So, I came home. My wife greeted me with a brief hug and showed me some food she had waiting for me. She then told me that while she was talking with our daughter, my wife had said that we needed to continue to pray for grandma. My daughter replied that her grandmother would get well, but then would only get sick again.

While I know that she is elderly, while I know she is in percarious health, while I know what my daughter said is true at least in the long term (and is true for all of us in the long term), it was wholly disheartening. It deflated the little bit of bouyancy my spirit had felt during the drive home from the hospital this evening. I did not want to think about the future other than about the process of her striving to become well, and to come back home. I did not want to be thrust into that future... be it in two days after her return home or be it two months or two years. It was not where I wanted to spend my mind's evening thinking about. I wish my wife had not told me the comment and I wish I could figure out a way to easily get it out of my mind. Unfortunately, it is not to be so.

I shall now go to bed, sad, as has been my usual for these past several weeks. I hope my dreams are happy and are not nightmares. During the last several weeks I have had roughly a 75% nightmare: 25% pleasant dreams pattern to my sleep.

PipeTobacco