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Slow Recovery

It was a slow go at recovery this weekend. I alternated between being able to convince myself that the *ssh*l* discussed in the previous essay did not matter, to trying to use the philosophies from my Roman Catholic heritage to attempt to be forgiving of this fellow, to still being VERY angry at him and extremely resentful of his behavior.

So, in effect, this fellow WON. I lost because I could not figure out a way to stop myself from being hurt and resentful much of the time. I also lost because I devoted a helluva lot of energy to this problem that was pretty pointless.

Now it is Monday, and at least at the moment, I have been able to foster my "the whole issue is inconsequential, and I CAN BE the forgiving person I want to be" side. It feels as if it will stick this time. And, as a bonus, I do not expect to see the fellow today as he teaches late on Monday, so I can firm up this stance without the added pressure and be (hopefully) more firm in my attitude when I eventually see him on Tuesday.

But that said, I am now having my focus shift back to what is meaningful to me. I am thinking about expressing myself more through art, since art so drives my passions in life. I am not sure what it shall be. Photography has always had appeal, but mostly as a way to capture family, not as art. Watercolor painting is more ARTSY for me, but I do not have adequate skills to meet my own artistic needs yet. Pottery would be wonderfully physical and creative as would clay sculpture, so that may be possible. But, in reality, I am just fishing around at the moment and am not sure. Of course, the biggest obstacle will be figuring out how to restructure my time in a way to accomplish art while also maintaining exercise (by the way, today was day 78 for my long morning walk (it was only 11 Degrees Fahrenheit here (which is -12 Degrees Celcius for my metric oriented friends)), being there for my family, teaching, and volunteering to help others. But, I really think it is something I should do.

Part of me thinks if I could only find a way to not sleep. I average only 5 hours of sleep a night now, so it would be difficult to reduce the number of hours devoted to that activity.

Oh well. Who the hell knows what I should do? Perhaps a good nicotinic soaking of the neural synapses will help clarify the answer. It is a raspberry tinctured burley this morning that I have been waiting to indulge in.

PipeTobacco