Ornery and Angry
I had a rough night sleeping because I was keyed up about the Department meeting I have to run today. I feel ornery and angry at three people in our Department who have hurt my feelings in the past. I imagine all sorts of ways to tell them off, and part of me would really like to do that. I could easily get all irate and angry at them and call them out on Joell they have hurt me. And I could call them out on how I think the lion's share of their ideas are stupid and selfish and short sighted.
But, the reality is that I know this is not how I *should* behave. I know from my faith, but even beyond my faith, I know from my own personal philosophy of how I should live my life that I should not "attack" back at those three who have hurt me. It is not how I want to be as a person. I feel I am supposed to be a perso. Of service to others, and that in doing so, I have served and done a reasonabley decent job with my life. I would love to be recognized for the good I try to do, and I have had resentments over the years when that is not recognized. But, I have been trying to put into perspective at least for the past few years that the recognition is truly immaterial and that it is only the effort to try to do good that is of importance. I can easily intelecualize myself into knowing that is the correct way to view things, but hell, it is some days pretty damn hard to feel this on an emotional level.
My five miles of running this morning were tough, but helpful for me. I hated every mile this morning and would rather have been in bed, but the hard physical exertion helped me to dissipate some of my stress hormones and quell some of my anger. So, I know it was good that I ran. I am now on the back
Porch with the dog. She is a good and faithful friend. I am having my morning pipe as well. I do not want to go into the U today, but of course I will be doing so after I shower in a few minutes. I may see if my elderly, father-in-law is up for some
Company in the late afternoon. If so, I would like to try to go see him. I would greatly enjoy talking with him. And, I would not mind having a few libations and pipes him as well, if he is of a mind to do so.
Wish me luck, please, as I head off to what is bound to be a difficult and unpleasant day.
PipeTobacco
3 Comments:
I empathise. I am finding it harder and harder in bible study (of all things) to resist the urge to say, 'Oh for f's sake!' And I never ever swear. (Out loud that is.)
Hope the day turned out better than anticipated.
Some people just have a knack of saying stupid things to us and rub us the wrong way, it's a 'gift' I think. If they could read my mind ...
I'm hoping the day passes swiftly for you and you can relax with your FIL.
The world is full of irritating and selfish people. One way to look at it is to realize that novels would be dull reading if everyone followed the Golden Rule. Still, when the thorns-in-your-side are attending a meeting that you are chairing, it's a different matter.
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