Pretend....
I am so tired of feeling down and sad and upset. It is a waste of precious time.
In an effort to "pull myself up by my bootstraps" I am going to adopt a strategy that has worked for other things in the past, namely... I am going to "pretend and imagine" that I am enthused and excited and feeling in great spirits. Some folks call this the "Fake it 'till you make it." approach. It is worth a shot, I guess.
So....
1. I am glad for the nice day today weather wise. It is cloudy and overcast with a high anticipated of 83 degrees. It is a nice temperature.
2. I am glad I was able to run my five miles this morning at 5am. I did not accidentally oversleep, and was able to get my run in comfortably so that I could get to work on time and start class.
3. I am "ok" with my wife being gone after today because I will use the evenings to try to catch up on things I have been neglecting. Perhaps I will work on cleaning the garage. Perhaps I will work on preparing a room for painting. Perhaps I will work to get a few things my wife has wanted me to hang on the walls up and showing.
4. Perhaps I will work to enjoy myself during the next several evenings by watching shows that are on the queue that my wife normally does not like to watch (Railroad Alaska is one in particular that I enjoy, but I also have Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea, Cannon, Rockford Files, and several Independent Lens (PBS show) episodes that have been hanging around for me to watch. My wife is not particularly engrossed with those shows so they tend to accumulate.
5. Perhaps I will splurge and have a beer or two one of the evenings. The one worry is that if I do, I may more deeply crave a pipe and have less resolve to refrain.... but it may be worth the risk or maybe not. But, I can think about this more.
6. I am happy I have the garden in, and I can spend some of my time keeping the weeds at bay. When I looked yesterday, the plants were all doing well. The Brussels Sprouts are already getting quite robust in size. The corn looks healthy, the squash is growing fast. All 9 different herbs seem healthy. The tomatoes and the tomatillos are all growing well.
So, this is my first attempt to focus on the positive things I can find, regardless of how damn low I feel. I am going to give this a try and see if it helps me.
PipeTobacco
4 Comments:
Have you considered changing part of your focus from an internal one to an external one? By this I mean some type of community service to others. My church, for example, has many ministries that allow me, through a few that I belong to, to help others and realize accomplishment in that, as well as enjoy camaraderie with fellow parishioners. Just putting it out there as a suggestion. Hope your attitude improves.
It is hard to focus on the positive when you feel low but it is worth a try! I feel positive just reading your list of things to do. I too have a garden and I really need to get it weeded and tidied up so you have reminded me about this. Watching shows you enjoy will help to take you out of yourself for a while too. Take the opportunity to do things you want to do rather than those things you feel you have to do. I look forward to reading more of your posts and if the positive mindset improved things for you. :)
Sounds like you're already benefiting a little from your "fake it 'til you make it" plan. I admire your gumption and hope your joie de vivre comes back soon You're probably still in mourning and these things take time. Meanwhile, I have a relative who''s chosen to be an Eeyore in this life. When something good happens, this person always sees the downside. "Eeyore" recently got a stellar performance appraisal at work. Reaction: "Yes, but I don't deserve it." It's just so exasperating at times.
Basically it comes down to using any tool available. If faking it works, go with it. Me, I usually fall back on attempting to ignore it. In retrospect, denial does not seem the best alternative. But hey, it takes my mind off it and that is what matters.
Finding a better frame of mind is the goal. How you get there almost does not matter.
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