Decisions....
Even though my father's birthday is very soon, I have not yet made a decision in regards to whether I will re-establish my ritual of 25 years of smoking a pipe or two when I go visit the cemetery. I would very much like to do so. But, is my want to do so, in remembrance of my father, or is my own selfish want? Or is it both?
And, is it “ok” to do so.... meaning I will then simply stop at that (until the next year’s birthday), or will I awaken the beautiful joys provided by my pipes back into my mind so that I no longer resist and simply continue? And, if I re-entered the avocation, would that be appropriate?
I have many things to contemplate in this regard. But, I no longer have much time before the date is upon me for a concrete decision.
PipeTobacco
4 Comments:
This almost seems like a "thinking out loud" post. All of your questions have only one person who can answer them. I would say let it be a surprise and find out the morning of what you will do. Regardless, don't agonize.
Anyway, I will make a better attempt to hitting the blog more.
Please remember that there is no "wrong" decision. Only you can know how much value you place on 21 months of abstaining, and how much additional value you would gain by knowing that you made it to 23 months or two years of abstaining, or maybe even longer than that. If that lengthy time of abstaining is something you hold valuable, and you would value a longer period even more, then maybe you could remember that you abstained on your father's birthday last year, so one more year of abstaining would not break an already-broken tradition. Maybe you can spend the next 12 months reflecting on whether you should honor your father with a pipe or two next year on his birthday?
Then again, I notice your use of the word "resist" as you describe your feelings about the joys your pipes once provided you. There may well be a chemical component to this, since once your body re-experiences nicotine it will surely be much harder to resume your "resistance" and you will for a while be back to the feelings of your first few days of abstaining.
And yet, your pipes have very obviously been for you much, much more than a nicotine delivery system. It is strange to think of someone choosing to "resist" something that has brought so much objective good and beauty and comfort and joy into his life.
One way or another, I am sure you will make the right decision. Best wishes in your cogitations!
A dangerous path when you have come so far. But you know yourself and your capabilities best.
tobacco is evil. you have to be vigilant and resist the evil.
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