Ashes
As yesterday was Ash Wednesday, I of course went to Mass. And, I also watched the Capuchin's Ash Wednesday Mass while I was running this morning. Both were helpful in guiding me to focus on what I should do.
I have been thinking about my goals for Lent, and I believe I am compelled to try during this Lenten Season to do something that is very much in an area that will be difficult, but I do feel compelled to work at this:
I am going to work to be forgiving towards the two people at work who have hurt me so, so incredibly deeply.
Please understand that I had never felt the degree nor intensity of sheer anger and rancor for ANYONE in my whole life like I have felt for these two. I have been hurt by them in ways I think are wrong for any person to have to feel... ever.
Yet, that does not mean I am to be given a "pass" in my own responsibilities in how I conduct myself and how I live my life. So, here are my current thoughts on how I am going to proceed:
1. I will work to no longer grumble and curse under my breath when I see either of these individuals.
2. I will work to no longer grumble and curse under my breath when I THINK of these individuals.
3. I will work to stop my primary coping strategy which has been to simply try to avoid these two individuals whenever possible.
4. I will try to exhibit to these two people the civility and kindness I am supposed to have in my heart, even for them. I have been civil to these two, but I would extract myself from their presence as quickly as I could, and will actually work to talk more fully with them, instead of providing the shortest possible answer to whatever they have asked about.
5. I will seek in my heart a way to forgive them, and will work to try to engage with them in ways that are similar to other work colleagues as well.
^ ^ ^ ^ ^
Lent is meant to be a time for reflection and looking within to evaluate how you can become a better you. I believe this is what I am finding is the journey I am supposed to take this Lent. It will be difficult. But, I am hoping that I can become closer to the better person I strive to be through this struggle, through this work.
PipeTobacco
6 Comments:
It's tough when you have to work with people like that. It's not easy to avoid contact.
You're a better person than I, Professor....
Your Lenten journey appears to be one of great significance. It has been my experience that those moments that require the most of us, that call for the surrender of self, are challenging yes, but when placed next to the journey to Golgatha, they are opportunities to better understand that first Easter. And they may provide us a more intimate knowledge. A pastor friend called them Kingdom moments. I wish you well.
Just a suggestion, but you could also pray for them.
better man than I am Gunga Din.
I see Cynthia has said what I was going to say. Pray for them. It is almost impossible to pray blessings on someone and hate them at the same time. I have in fact written about this today on the Zac's Place Facebook page.
https://www.facebook.com/ZacsPlaceSwansea.
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