Speedy Thoughts
The situation yesterday took a fair amount of time so I am rather behind in my needed work goals still, and am trying to play "catch up" so today's post is going to be a bit shorter.
In my mind, I am ruminating about what level of a return could I DO that I would not feel fear/anxiety about? I have been thinking and I believe that perhaps one bowl a week would be about the maximum I could indulge without the "fear/anxiety" component returning. And, with that in mind, that is where I came up with the idea of one bowl every two weeks as a bit of added "safety".
But, I am not really sure how realistic that is for me. I have several thoughts:
1. I *believe* I could muscle myself into that sort of schedule, meaning I could WORK to become damn doggedly determined to do exactly that plan.
2. But, in the same vein, would such a plan that I would have to WORK at, in effect negate some of the beauty of the return to the hobby because it in some ways *might* be tougher than just abstaining?
3. Or, would I, after the initial return to indulging, simply say "to hell with it" and go back to my easy, comfortable, prior pattern?
4. If I did adopt the once every two week pattern, would it add back the beauty, the charm, the delight I have been missing these three years? Or would it seem a hollow and forced return without its esoteric charms of something I simply would do when the mood to do so arose?
* * * * *
I did have one time this week where I was able to run outside before a new snowstorm hit and obliterated (made unsafe) the trail again. Running outside is so much a joy. Running on the treadmill is by comparison, just a way to accomplish a task.
Sorry, but I need to get back to work.
PipeTobacco
6 Comments:
How can something be both delightful and fear-inducing?
The old “moderation” in all things idea comes into play.... for much of my years of indulgence I was very comfortable (not fearful) with a pattern of typical 4-6 bowls across a day. There were some times in my life where I knew I was not being moderate and would sometimes have 10-12 in a day, but that was illogically “justified” by my youthful nature during stressful times that occurred primarily in undergraduate and graduate school. Even then it was moderate by many standards of the day.
I know that the comfortable fit of 4-6 does now give me worry and concern (fear).
That is perhaps the best I can do to explain.
PipeTobacco
I'm wishing you well today.
Coffee is on and stay safe
I think that I would have to be in or out. I don't think I could just put my toe in every now and then.
I think I agree with Anvilcloud. If the last three years have been strenuous, why add more strain by trying to be a refrainer and a smoker? You describe your former pipe smoking as:
something I simply would do when the mood to do so arose
I can't imagine you managing your mood so that a pipe would only be enjoyable every week or two. But I can easily see you taking your tremendous dogged determination and managing your mood so you might only have a couple of pipes in a day, at least until you could overcome your fear and let yourself have the old 4 or 6 without becoming fearful.
Professor...
You're very much iike me. You ponder a decision endlessly, trying to talk yourself out of it before you actually make it. Speaking from my own experience, I always deliberate and debate upon it, worrying about it as I go.
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