Still Low
Still feeling extremely low. The current situation is about a horrible, wrong, saddening decision one of my kids is making. There is nothing to be done about it other than work to accept this. I cannot write more about it, however.
For today:
1. I ran 10.4 miles (~17km) this morning.
2. I attended a three hour on-line meeting.
3.
I am going to AGAIN cyborg on the computer the rest of the damn day.
Hopefully I will make some progress on Fall class preparation. However, my heart
is not into this or anything for that matter.
That's it for today.
3 Comments:
One of my daughters is in a major crisis right now and making some terrible decisions. I feel your pain. It's so hard to be a parent. Thinking of you.
One of these days, I expect you to write that you decided to run for 60 miles that morning, just to get the stress out. Seriously. Take care.
However much you feel hurt, please remember that no parent can live a child's life for him or her, and no parent is responsible for a child's poor choices.
Sometimes a child must go a different way than his parents. You've abandoned your father's legacy as a pipe-smoker, and in doing so you seem to feel (despite the occasional cravings and ambivalence) that in the main it was not just a rejection of his legacy, but rather that it was a positive step for you.
Maybe that perspective can help you feel better about letting go of your child's choices. Your father would surely have been hurt if, during his lifetime, you told him, "Dad, I'm through with pipes, and you'll have to smoke alone, without me." But when you put your pipes down, you weren't trying to hurt him; you were trying to live your own best life.
Now you have a child whose decisions hurt you. But maybe your child is making the only decisions that would be right for him/her, however horrified you may be as a father.
Sometimes all a parent can do is let go. You're not a bad parent because your child makes a decision you find horrible.
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