Surgery

I am certain my adrenal gland is working overtime and I am having surges of epinephrine and norepinephrine as well as various aldosterones and cortisols at higher than normal amounts.

I awoke this morning at 4:05am and decided to run my December Half Marathon Run.  This is 13.1 miles (and I ran 13.2 miles (21.2 km) just to make sure).  I needed to accomplish this run in order to fulfill my promise/goal of running at least one 1/2 Marathon Run each month in 2021.  In reality, I think this is my 15th 1/2 Marathon Run in 2021.  But, it WAS the needed run for December.

I ran this 1/2 Marathon Run purposefully today, to TRY to reduce my stress hormones.  It apparently did not work awfully damn well as I am on edge, and am nervous and fidgety.  I am administering a final exam to one of my big lecture hall classes, and it is challenging.  Usually I am fine with wearing my mask, and with the microphone I can even lecture easily.  But, today, with the adrenal gland overload, the only thing I want to do is rip the mask off my face, as it feels hard to breath with it on.

I have broken my own rules today, and I have my own cell phone ON.  My normal policy is to ask students to shut off their phones during class and at the beginning of the semester, I demonstrate for them that I do the same thing..... shut the damn phone off.  But, today I have mine on, in case the Veterinarian calls.

My dog is in surgery at the moment.  I KNOW she is a dog, but that does not mean I do not worry.  I feel guilty because I am not sitting there, waiting at the Veterinarian's Office.  Even though that is not what folks normally do with a pet surgery, it also feels wrong to just leave her there and go to work.  And, the current reality is that our Veterinarian does not allow anyone in the waiting room or lobby now due to Covid-19.  Our Veterinarian has been practicing drive-up practice all during the pandemic.  We wait outside the office in our vehicle, a clinician comes to get our pet, and then we wait in our vehicle until the medical service is done.

It is stupid, I know, to feel this worked up.  I know it is pointless and does not do any good.  I try to put on a "good face" and just try to act "normal" and do "normal" work.  But it is quite a significant challenge at the moment.  My concentration and focus is near zero.  

I am, I think, going to end here for today.  I think I am going to try to focus myself into a less agitated state by taking a "mental break" for 20 minutes (no one should have moved because they are taking the comprehensive final exam).  I am going to close my eyes, I am going to try to drink the 64 ounces of iced decaffeinated coffee fairly quickly, and do my damnedest to imagine myself around 30 years ago, without hardly a care in the world, sitting outside on a beautiful Summer day, smoking my pipe with pure abandon and utter relaxation.  I am imagining I am smoking the most belovedly robust and strong pipe tobacco I have had in my pipe and am trying to remember and relive how it can so pleasantly quiet my mind and relax my body. I want to force that feeling back into my mind and body today.  If I  can figure out how to "mediate" those memories back into my mind, I could ameliorate some of the stress of the day.  

Normally I enjoy caffeine, but I knew today I would not want its effects.  I want to try to force my body back into that tranquil mode.  I want to flush out the stress hormones, and feel the harmony and tranquility.  I am hoping I can force myself into that mindset.

PipeTobacco