Ruminations
Lots of ruminating occurring in my mind the last few days:
- Ran 11.1 miles (~18km) this morning. Prayed the rosary and listened to ~ 15 or so songs on my Catholic Music Pandora channel while I ran.
- Last week, one homily that especially touched me was told by Capuchin Fr. Dan. He was talking about how envy/jealously about what you do not have is hindering you from becoming who you are and can be. This resonated with me in regards to my anger/hurt about the two folks at work who are mean/unkind folks. Fr. Dan's words have helped me to better see that my dwelling on them is a hindrance for me being who I am and who I can be. It is still hard at times to not think about those situations with those two.... but if I can keep the ideas shared by Fr. Dan in mind, I think it can be helpful for me to decrease dwelling on them.
- I went to the grave sites where my father-in-law, my mother, my father, and my niece (the one who had committed suicide ~28 years ago now) and spoke with them about how I missed them and that I wish I had taken more time to be with them and that I deeply regretted the missed opportunities. It was very cold and blustery, but I had planned ahead by wearing long underwear.
- It was interesting that Fr. Albert, who is the priest at my local parish had a homily at the weekend Mass that was somewhat similar to Fr. Dan's weekday Mass where his thrust was about being the "you" that God intended. It too resonated with me.
- I have been rummaging about a bit with some of my old camera gear. I am thinking of taking a stab at it in terms of trying to look for and create more "artistic" images. Most of my previous photography was of family and friends.
- I have a musical goal this week to learn about and explore more the concept of arpeggios. They were never a concept I knew, but I think they will help me explore and perhaps become stronger as I try to develop some skills with the guitar.
- I have started to dismantle the "Project Metal Clarinet" instrument. I believe this will be a good learning/refresher for me, as I have not dismantled and repaired/re-padded an instrument in a while. It is a rather inexpensive beast and will afford me a chance to experiment a bit as I try to refurbish it back to the beauty I think it still has deep inside itself.
- I am fast approaching my 4th year anniversary of abstaining from my pipes. It will be in roughly two weeks that I will hit that "milestone" if it can be called that. I may use the next two weeks to explore what I think I may do in the future regarding pipes and pipe tobaccos. Or, at least, I think I will try to talk through all the various thoughts I have been debating about them.
PipeTobacco
3 Comments:
When we moved from there to here, I visited my parents graveside and had a little natter with them. I understand how being there in the moment helps us to focus.
I haven't been to the cemetery for a while. I used to go periodically but it became too depressing. It still seems unreal that my dad is up there. I miss him every day.
Interesting that you mentioned the helpful gravesite visit, Professor! In an earlier comment I mentioned a couple of people with whom I regret my less-than-ideal final conversations. Well, last night I had a dream in which one of those two had a nice little chat with me, and basically reassured me that all is well.
Of course, that's just the neurons firing in my own brain, not an apparition or ghostly visit. But it's a good reminder that indeed, from the vantage point of eternity, your loved ones don't love you any less because you were busy and missed various opportunities to be with them. They now have the vantage point of eternity, so you can let go of those old regrets and re-focus on being present for the loved ones who are in your life today.
As an aside, have you made any progress in recalling your dreams? One wonders whether your dreams these days involve happy visits to pipe shops and jazz clubs, or whether you have nightmares of having to use your lecture voice in oversized classrooms.
As for being the "you" that God intended, have you figured out whether it's really possible to be that "you" without your pipes? Maybe you could try going back to your pipes as a Lenten vow, with the premise that as a Lenten vow you would not practice your vow on Sundays? That way you could reassure yourself each Sunday that you COULD still abstain if you liked, but you could also decide after Lent whether the joys of abstaining in fact pale in comparison to the joys of returning to your old companions.
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