Sometimes it IS Hard

Sometimes it is SO VERY HARD for me to not get into a state of sadness and despondency about the two people at work that I have a significant challenge with.  It is also sometimes SO VERY HARD to not get despondent and sad about the family member I no longer talk about here.   

What I need to be better able to do is to KEEP FOCUSED on the reality that these two work people have minimal impact on me (other THAN emotionally), and I have to KEEP IN MIND that I cannot force help upon a person who is difficult and unwilling to accept help (the family member I no longer talk about here).

The last two days have been emotionally difficult for me BECAUSE I could not figure out how to stop myself from ruminating about the three individuals mentioned in the above.  As is common when I feel this gloom from either of the above two situations.... it enacts my "Fight-or-Flight" responses and I feel simultaneously the desire to LITERALLY pitch a fit and holler and yell and bellow..... AND also have the desire to run away, and leave everything behind.  OBVIOUSLY neither option is appropriate, nor what I would do.  But.... it is quite tangibly what my body is telling me TO DO when I feel this way.  

Very fortunately.... those feelings have subsided.  I feel my generally happy self again.  I just wish I could RELIABLY figure out a way to transition out of those feelings.  Sometimes RUNNING can help because the physical exertion can help to dissipate the stress hormone surges.  But, it really did not help either yesterday nor today.  Today, the action that DID help me return to generally happy was the actual act of teaching.  I had a full slot today..... 5.5 hours of lecture.... which can be daunting.  But, it helped me today.  I think my seminar class was especially helpful, even though my other classes were good too.   I felt appreciated by my students, and I think that helped me turn around my emotions and have my focus on the three harsh folks revert back to the acceptance that they are what they are.... and my safest choice for my health is the ignoring of them as best as I could.  

*    *    *    *    *

I ran 11 miles (~18 km) this morning.  As I mentioned above, it did not help my emotions, and it was a chore to get through it today.  Hopefully tomorrow I will have been able to maintain my more positive disposition and the run will be more enjoyable.  Even watching/listening to the Capuchin Mass while I ran did not help.... and in fact, I barely remember any of it because my mind would keep wandering back to my feelings of hurt.  

*     *     *     *     *

On the docket for tonight's meal is...... tah dah..... VEGETARIAN CHILI and cornbread! It is a wonderfully deep and richly spiced recipe with a heavy array and variety of beans, including my favorite bean in chili.... the kidney bean.   Even though I am not sure what my wife will have with this meal for herself.... I know I am going to have a heaping bowl of broccoli and cauliflower, an enormous salad as big as my head, and smaller side-dish sized bowl of my chickpea and chard dish. 

PipeTobacco