Anxiety & Stress

 

During the next two days (today and tomorrow in two separate meetings), I will be having to face and discuss MY NEEDS with the folks who have hurt me so very much (as I have written about and alluded to over the last few years).  This is causing me considerable stress and anxiety, as I do not like being "confrontational" nor do I like people being confrontational with me.  I am working through in  my mind very carefully how to simply state what I need, without emotion, or without (hopefully) getting VISIBLY riled up.  I have worked very diligently over the last few years to work through my emotions concerning this matter/situation, and have gotten to a somewhat better emotional space regarding this.  However, there is a factor of this situation that is requiring some effort and change at the moment within the Department and therefore as much as it adds TREMENDOUS stress and anxiety to my life at the moment, I have to forge ahead and "bite the bullet" and proceed with explaining my own mental health needs, and my own emotions concerning this matter.  I hate having to go through this, but I believe the solution I am going to be putting forth is one they CAN easily adopt and it would cause no hardship on their end, yet it would TREMENDOUSLY reduce my own anxiety and anger.... and allow me to continue to work to be the professor and person I need to be.  Yet, I know, from past experience, that these two may balk at ANYTHING, and may be unwilling to even compromise a small bit.  I have to steel myself for that possibility as well, even though it will be EXTREMELY difficult.  

• Ran 11 miles (~16 km).  It is done for the day.  Today, I really needed it to try to cope and manage the stress as well as I can that I am currently experiencing.  
• PCS = 9.  Very, very, very difficult to resist picking up one of my pipes and simply cascading fully back into my old pipe smoking lifestyle from before.  I know that at this particular moment these feelings are heightened because of my anxiety, but that does not make it any easier to cope with them today.  And, I also know that a pipe or 5 or 6 will not make the situation (above) that I would rather avoid go away.... but equally I do know that their beauty and charms would help me ignore them for a bit, and right now I would really appreciate that.

PipeTobacco