More Unseemly Discussion

 

Again, for those who are a bit skittish/squeamish about such things, you may prefer to ignore today's entry as it does involve a discussion of topics relating to the digestive system's release of indigestible materials:

Yesterday, after I took the laxative,  I found that perhaps an hour later, the pain had TEMPORARILY subsided. I was SO VERY, VERY HUNGRY that I decided to gingerly eat a single banana before heading to lecture.... hoping it would help me.  

Walking across campus to my class, the pain RETURNED and was quite significant.  I cursed myself under my breath for having eaten the damn banana.  In the three hours of lecture I was scheduled to give, the waves of pain were significant and drove me to distraction.  I probably sat for about an hour total of the three hours of lecture. I damn well NEVER sit while lecturing in normal circumstances, as I am always moving around, writing on the board, moving histological slides around, advancing PowerPoint slides and just roaming around the students as I weave my academic tales.  But.... yesterday, when an especially pointed pain would erupt, I gingerly sat at the lectern in a chair and did my best to regale about gametogenesis with as much enthusiasm as I could muster (not a whole helluva lot, truth be told even though normally the topic is very exciting), while trying to "grit my teeth" through the damn wave of intense pain.  When the sharp pain subsided a bit, I again got up and tried to do my normal moseying about until the next sharp wave hit.  

After class, I walked back to my office and sat.  I was utterly exhausted.  I was utterly drained of any energy.  But, I was ALSO still DAMN HUNGRY.  Part of me wanted to just say to hell with it and try to get to my vehicle and drive home for the day.... but I also knew I had a scheduled late afternoon meeting that I should stick around for.  

I decided to try to keep going so I could probably wait it out for the couple of hours till that damn meeting.  But, I turned off the lights in my office (so the transom window above the door would appear dark), pulled down the blinds on the window to the outdoors, and put a lab coat at the base of the door, so it would appear my office was dark (empty).  I was not in the mood to have any visitors because I did feel like hell.  I wanted people to believe I had left for the day.  The lab coat along the floor was to keep stray light from showing under the door from my computer.  I had decided that I would at least try to do some damn work on the computer while waiting. 

Since I was so damn hungry, I told myself "to hell with it" and while working on the computer began to eat my normal food I had brought with me.  I devoured it in probably ~ 25 minutes. 

All afternoon.... alternating patterns of a) general, diffuse gastrointestinal discomfort, followed by b) sharper, more pronounced waves of pain, and c) brief periods of no pain.  And it rotated from a - c several different times across the afternoon.  

Even though it is perhaps even more unseemly to discuss gastrointestinal "gas" (aka flatulence), I have briefly mention that during the whole morning and into the late afternoon, I had nary even a molecule of gastrointestinal gas that I released.... and this was beginning to worry me.   

To shorten this a bit..... I eventually walked across campus again to the late afternoon meeting..... did the damn meeting dance that is always required.... then traipsed back across campus to my trusty steed.... and headed home.  I was so, so, so very exhausted.  My lower legs (below the knee) ached, like as if I had ran WAY beyond my usual mileage, whereas the upper portion of my legs felt fine.  That was very weird and worried me too.  

I got home, and strangely, I really wanted to drink a beer or two.... but we had none around, as I hardly ever buy any except when we are having guests over (no fun to drink alone, and my wife is a tee-totaler).  So, I went and collapsed on the bed and almost instantly fell asleep for an hour or so. My wife knew about my situation and I had told her on the phone I was going to sleep for a while. 

While I was sleeping, my wife came home and took ~15 minutes to put the finishing touches on dinner.  She then called up to me that things were ready.  Resting felt awfully damn good.... no waves of pain.... I felt more relaxed than I had all day.  But, when I got up.... the pain started to return, AND I actually felt mildly dizzy as I walked to the bathroom. 

We ate dinner together.  I told my wife I "felt hot" and she took my temperature.  Fortunately, it was in the normal range (higher than my usual normal, but still normal).  I had a few, minuscule bits of intestinal gas release while we watched television for the next hour or so.  

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Note:  Especially graphic segment.... avoid if squeamish:

The pain would alternate much of the evening.  Finally, I had enough and told my wife I was going back to bed.  I wobbled up onto my feet and took the dog out to do her business.  When I came back in, I actually felt a little bit of an "urge" to relieve my gastrointestinal tract as well.  

Even though it is not something I regularly discuss.... my wife can unfortunately attest to the truth of this statement.  NORMALLY.... my "releases" are ENORMOUSLY LARGE.  Normally, I will have "releases" that plug home toilets almost every time.  I even regularly will often plug "professional level, high flow-through, rapid velocity" toilets like are used at the U and in many commercial facilities. I have been this way since I was in my late teen-aged years, and presume it is something of a genetic predisposition as my father was similar.  Even though you may not think you needed this information, it is pertinent to the next part of the story:

So, I come back in from taking the dog out with a bit of an "urge".  So I sit on the toilet.  Normally, my time on the toilet is very short.  It usually takes very little effort to expel.  But, not last night.  I tried and struggled for perhaps at least 5, perhaps 10 minutes.... and fortunately had a TINY bit of relief..... I released 5 "tater-tot" sized items..... that FELT like they were made of the roughest, most jagged concrete known to mankind.  

While I was glad about this, I also realized the volume was truly miniscule compared to my normal and did not signify the situation was over.  

I was so exhausted, that after I walked upstairs, I was asleep within a minute or less.

+  +  +

This morning, I got up and felt much less tired.... still somewhat tired, but a helluva lot better than the day before.  I forced myself to run 11 miles (~16 km) I did not want to run at all, but I did so with the idea I could finish out my weekly goal.  I did feel a few bits of nausea during running.  

Then I went to the U to get back to work.  As I drank my coffee ~10am.... I suddenly had the "urge".

I had a normal sized (huge) and normally textured movement.  It was a tremendous relief.

Around noon..... I again had the "urge"

I had ANOTHER normal sized (huge) and normally textured movement.  I felt pounds lighter.

And, around 2:30pm.... I again had the "urge"

I had a THIRD normal (huge) sized and normally textured movement.  I could NOT believe it.  I could not believe that much literal "crap" could be held in my bowels at one time.  

As of this writing, I cannot say if another urge will hit.... I cannot imagine there is anything left to expel.  But, I do know I feel much more "normal" albeit a bit tired.  

So, all seems well.  I sure as hell hope it continues on this trajectory. 

+ + + + + + + + + + 

PCS - 5.... the thoughts and the beauty of my pipes helped me enormously while I was in pain yesterday.  Even though I really had no desire to smoke my pipes.  The thoughts of the wonderful memories helped to distract me many times during the sharper bouts of pain.  Today it feels WONDERFUL to have an average level interest again in actually smoking one of my pipes.  I have been sniffing the wonderful aroma of the leaf in the pouch of one of the aromatic blends I have a stock of in my U office that I used to regularly indulge in because I liked the leaf's potency and others around liked the very pleasant aromatic aroma.  

PipeTobacco