Disgruntled

 

I am feeling disgruntled and out of sorts this morning.  I had "dreams" last night about the relationship with that which I no longer talk about here.  It left me awake this morning feeling sad, exhausted, not wanting to do anything.  The situation is so fractured, and it is nothing like how I envisioned this relationship would be.  

My wife and I have spent many hours discussing this situation, and yet, we both are very disheartened.  It seems as if there is nothing to be done about it, except perhaps the passage of time may lead to a shift in perspectives of the situation of the individual not discussed.  But, as it stands now, it hurts both our hearts.  Much of the time now, we can simply go on with day-to-day lives and bypass or not dwell on this situation.  But, when my "dreams" decided otherwise last night, I am now in a mental and emotional state that is very difficult to shrug off or get out of.  

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• Ran my 10 miles (~16km) this morning, hoping that the running would pound the sadness into submission for the day, but to no avail.  
• A Facebook post on my wife's account showed some of our friends enjoying carving pumpkins with their adult kids.  It made me feel melancholy. 
• One of my daughters is preparing for an extended trip abroad this upcoming Summer.  It will be an amazing experience for her.  She will be traveling to a few countries in Asia, and I am excited for her for being able to go on this adventure as she navigates aspects of her career goals.  She will, I am sure, be amazed at how the immersion into other cultures will help her to grow and become even more cognizant of  global issues and cultural morays.  
• No happy pipe thoughts have been able to permeate my mind this morning.  I will keep trying to use those thoughts, if I can conjure them up, to help shift my mood.... hopefully.
  

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