Absolutely Normal Chaos
One of my younger kids read the above book when she was a "tween" (I really dislike that phrase, but it is commonly used to designate a kid perhaps between 10-12 years of age.). The book is quite well known in the young-adult fiction world. I read it too, and it was very interesting and creative in a "coming of age" sort of genre book.
I was reminded of that long ago book from the way I felt this morning concerning our situation.... it is "absolutely normal chaos". My MIL seems to be relatively back to her usual self. Her hallucinations have greatly diminished. She has started a course of antibiotics. But, the chaos of the last couple of days were disorienting in many ways, but..... here is the tie-in..... it seems like my wife and I are continually buffeted into something unexpected almost every damn day for the last few years. It is exhausting. We seem to live in chaos..... which is now our absolutely new "normal". Whether it is my MIL, or my SIL, or my wife's brother.... or if it is one of our kids.... or our dog.... we nary take even a single step without there being some new "crisis" or other.
It is difficult to fathom how this came about. Is it just random circumstance? Is it that we have done something gravely wrong and are being "punished"? Is THIS what the AARP years are like for everyone? All I know is that my wife and I feel quite exhausted quite a large percentage of the time.
I overslept a bit and could only squeeze out 7.9 miles (~12.7 km) in the time I had this morning before HAVING to call it quits to have enough time to clean up and get to the U on time.
Rather than complain about the current lot. I am trying to focus on the positive. Even though two dinners with my wife were kiboshed due to the needs of my MIL, I still focus on that mealtime opportunity with my wife to feel the love and contentedness. I also do this anytime we are able to swim together. A lot of my day is looking forward to the possibility of one or both of those. I also try to focus on how it is actually damn fun to teach. Especially when allow myself to get "worked up" in an animated way where I feel akin to a robust and wise "story-teller" from antcient times. I can work myself up to jumping around, being quite demonstrative and being, even dare I say..... somewhat codgerly humorous in the classroom. And,when I can successfully roll out a really good analogy of a real-world event/activity/item the kids know about...... and then reign them back in to how they relate to detailed, rigorous science concepts to show them how the analogy represents a helluva lot of the key concepts of physiology they need to know.... but often equate with "dry toast".... this makes me feel good.
And, when I have a moment when I can daydream..... memories of the thousands of beautiful bowlfuls of pipe tobacco I have indulged in over the years are at my beck-and-call. I have gotten so strong at the art of these memories that I can swear that sometimes I can almost TASTE the beautiful flavors and almost FEEL the gentle serenity and calmness the pipe and its gentle pipe tobacco ember can provide me. I am SO, SO hoping I get to go on this Chicago trip. It gives me the perfect excuse to justify the indulgence in a bowl.
I have to scoot to class.
PipeTobacco
3 Comments:
I haven't visited for quite awhile. Not sure why. I did not know you had become a caregiver. I can only imagine how daunting and stressful it must be. But buck up; you are doing the decent thing, the good thing.
Still lusting for a bowl of tobacco I see. It's odd, but I rarely have any urge to smoke a cigarette and when I smell someone else's smoke it turns me off. My lungs thank me every day.
If you don't like the term tween, you probably don't like the term sandwich generation either. But that's of course what you're living through. If you were privy to the dinnertime conversations of billions of other people who have (a) a family and (b) a full-time job I'm sure you would find that chaos is routine. You're not being punished. You're living a normal, middle class, early 21st century life. But I think you know that. I'd like to promise you that it will get better but alas it doesn't. (Although if you'd light up that pipe once in a while you'd be able to briefly relieve a tiny bit of that stress. Hint, hint.)
Pam J is correct about the sandwich generation. I'm in it too--trying to juggle my elderly mother, my daughters and grandsons. There are crises of various types as well as worries, lots of those. I think it's just called normal life when you have a wide circle of loved ones of different ages, health (both mental and physical) and capabilities. Note: unlike you, I'm retired which has pluses and minuses. I have more time to deal with stuff.
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