Today is Wednesday, and again I feel sad and lonely. I feel dull witted and lazy. I am feeling grouchy and out-of-sorts. I do not want to do anything. My pipe sometimes seems like my only true friend..... it does not demand of me more than I can give. So many people seem to demand more of me than I can possibly give. I feel at times like I am losing the sense of who *I* am anymore. I have so many commitments and hassels with those I love. No one seems to be concerned with *my* well being, *my* wholeness, *my* mind. I feel as if it has been *so, so, so very long since I have had the free, unadulterated ability to simply *explore* thoughts in my mind, to *think* of new ideas. Instead, I spend virtually all my time troubleshooting other people's problems, try to solve others problems and help them meet their needs. And, a very large, and very taxing part of my life is now devoted to helping the emotionally distraught to cope.

Unfortunately, however, what I *do* now is far more taxing and debilitating on my soul than is what I have worked to *have* as my career. I feel much like an empty hollow shell.

Pipe Tobacco