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Which Method Is Best?

Thank you so very much to everyone who has offered their advice in regards to yesterday's post. I truly appreciate a) your care, b) your willingness to offer opinion and advice, and c) your encouragement, and d) the ability to try to "get the emotions and feelings out" of my mind and onto electronic paper. Without you reading, the value of my writings would be zero to me. Your patience and willingness to read and participate is very important to me.

From yesterday's comments there are basically two different camps to the advice. In the first camp it is suggested that:

I need to take a stand, confront my two sisters, tell them about reality, and hold them to their fair share.

This is contrasted with the other camp that suggests that:

It does no good to confront people so self-centered.

These two camps reflect exactly the two camps my wife and I are on regarding this issue. Yet our courses of action would be very different:

We both are in agreement that their behavior is rude, unthinking, uncaring, and self-centered. We both become highly aggrivated at them for their attitudes and purposeful lack of awareness.

We disagree on what to do. My wife wants me to confront them both, and hold them to their fair share of the work. I on the other hand think it will do no good... it has always been pointless to get them to be aware of damn near anything they don't want to be aware of in the past. Keep in mind, I have had a whole lifetime of dealing with them. If I were to confront them.... the net result would be ZERO change in the situation, and ADDITIONAL work and strife for me to figure out how to confront them, and INCREASED RISK for my mother in that her feelings may be more hurt. I am in agreement with abbagirl74 that I would have to believe my mother is also aware of their rudeness and selfishness. Yet, if my mother were to hear me confront them (or hear their replay of my confrontation), that would only serve to hurt my mother more, for then she would feel more acutely that she is a burden and would even think that from me. I do not want her to have to feel any more pain or hurt... and I do not want to be the cause of it.

Therefore, for me, I feel my only viable course of action is to accept things as they are. My reasons are to keep from risking hurting my mother's feelings. This frustrates my wife because she thinks I can confront them and change them if I work at it. For me, the effort seems too enormous and the risks far to high to do so.

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Moving on from the above developing issue, I can say that my mother is getting stronger each day. The purchased oxygen concentrator should arrive by Thursday. During the last few days it is VERY MUCH MORE OBVIOUS that the home oxygen is helpful and essential to keeping her healthier. I still get angry at the hospital's idiotic testing protocol but at least I found a workaround solution that keeps her safe.

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My father-in-law went home yesterday and is doing well. He was of course very, very tired yesterday (the rigamaroole of getting discharged and getting home is enormous for the patient as well as the family). I am very hopeful, that if I can find a way to arrange it, that I may go visit him on Friday afternoon to chat and enjoy ourselves. I am hoping this will be possible. It would, I believe, do both of us a world of good. I am keeping my fingers crossed.

PipeTobacco