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After the Day

A few comments and then my new essay:

1. Please do not feel upset at Sr. Lisa Catherine. She is a wonderful woman, and I feel privileged to have her read my blog. I listen to what she says and I find value in it. My post yesterday was to try to explain what it is I am doing, and I specifically tried to address some of her concerns. I think I did this. I feel that in my writings, I am *trying* to work through my grief so that, while the loss of my mother will not end, that I may be able to restructure my life in a way that allows me to find joy. What I have been doing with my writings has been helpful to me, for those strong emotions and strong pains I feel are what you are seeing. Putting them to (electronic) paper like this gives me a way to release them so that I can feel their impact but also not have them be the only thing my mind is occupied with.

2. A while ago, Gail, you asked if I might want to talk more via e-mail and if so to contact you. I have tried in all ways I know of with Haloscan but I have not been able to find your e-mail from it. I would very much like to talk with you, but am not sure how to contact you.

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I am ill with bronchitis. I drove this morning to the other side of town to visit my mother's physician (and mine for many years as well). I thanked him for attending my mother's funeral and expressed how I appreciated it. He was able to prescribe for me an antibiotic and also prescribed me a codeine laced cough syrup that he said would be helpful for my sleeping as well. Even though I have not had much trouble sleeping of late, it likely will be a pleasant and soothing addition to my sleep.

After leaving the doctor's office, I drove around that far distant part of town for a spell, looking at the many places where I spent much of my youth while growing up. Unfortunately, time has been very harsh on that area of town, and while my childhood home was still in decent shape (my mother's home until she came to live with us 5 years ago), in most of the nearby neighborhoods, a sad, predictable, and unfortunate decay permeated the entire area. Boarded up and abandonded homes abounded, and when I drove through the neighborhood where my beloved Aunt (my mother's sister who died in 2002... you may remember that she is the aunt whose cat was diabetic). Her beautiful neighborhood that I spend many many hours having fun as a youth was similar to a war-torn area. The infiltration of gang violence and crime had permeated nearly every corner of the community, and fully 1/2 of the homes were abandonded, burnt to the ground, or boarded up shabbily.

The beautiful area of my youth where I grew up had begun a major series of set-backs and a long extended decay starting in the latter stages of the Reagan era. President Reagan was (in my opinion) a horrid president for the working class folk who were the primary people in these neighborhoods. While I was away from the neighborhood during this phase, my parents continued to live there and his "trickle down" theory actually "trickled down" like urine on these good people (basically I *am* saying his actions were akin to p*ss*ng on them). The loss of jobs, the loss of security, the loss of a viable livlihood for these folks unfortunately led to great infiltration of crime, drugs, and gangs. It is horribly sad and wrong.

So, this long, extended drive broght back many memories, but was also tinged with sorrow... sorrow for those times being gone... but also sorrow for the good people who still live there and must carry on with all the harshness going on around them.

PipeTobacco