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Portfolio of Respiration

As a day goes, today has been "better." I feel purely nebulous and unfocused. I am not feeling the sorrow of the last several, but neither am I feeling much. I am akin to a piece of driftwood, slowly and effortlessly being guided by the ebb and flow of the waves of the lake.

How shall the day pan out? I shall file papers here, then I shall go work in my lab for a spell. After that, I shall drive my truck onward towards home, stopping at the florist to purchase three roses.... one for my wife, one for my daughter, and one for my mother. I shall then proceed home. After showering, I will head to the restaurant across town (roughly a little less than an hour away) to eat dinner with my sister. Then I shall drive home in a circuitous route to visit my mother's gravesite and leave the rose for her. Then I will drive home for the evening.

The list of tasks and activities is the same as on most Thursdays. Yet, as of this moment, I feel neither comfort in the routine (I love routine), nor do I feel the sorrow of my loss. I just feel neutral... almost like distilled water having a pH = 7.0. There is no added flavor, no added solute.... good OR bad. It is just neutral.

It is an odd sort of feeling, the neutrality. I do not often experience it. Yet I do not have much of an opinion on how it "feels" either, as to summon an opinion would require added energy.

So I drift, so it goes.

PipeTobacco