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Good Vibrations

A side note: To those of you who commented yesterday, please note that I have replied to your very kind comments directly in the comments section. It is my vow that in 2009, I will try to comment back to you very, very regularly in that venue. I think it will help enhance my friendship with you.

I tried something last night that seems to have worked very well. My wife and I were talking and watching television when out of nowhere, she stated (paraphrased), "You know, I am going to be very tired tomorrow with you being gone during the day. When you get home, you need to realize that." To me, it struck me odd and wrong and unfair. We had planned out our entire week this week and Tuesday was the day I was to go to work and clean up my offices and labs and get things together for the next semester. The words she said to me made me feel that she was telling me I should expect her to be grumpy and grouchy towards me for doing what we had planned. It felt unfair, and could very easily have gotten into a disagreement that would have been unpleasant. Or, I could have tried to squelch my feelings and then been "touchy" about things the next day.... which would have likely lead to a disagreement as well.

Well, I tried to do something a bit different. My wife does not like me to explain to her my hurts and feelings about things she says to me DIRECTLY... that usually ends up in an immediate disagreement because she becomes defensive about my comments. I do not like to let things lie (squelch my feelings)... that usually ends up in a disagreement the next day because I end up feeling moody and "touchy" about everything that is said after that point. What I tried was to write out my feelings in as precise, brief, and carefully thought out manner as possible. Basically I tried to explain what hurt, why it hurt, and why it made me feel edgy.

I left that note out for her on the kitchen counter and was able to go to bed no longer feeling aggravated and hurt. My wife, upon awakening (she gets up very early), read the note, and without me being there trying to talk about it more and more and more... she was able to sit back and think about what I wrote without feeling pressured. An hour and a half later she came up and woke me to talk about the note. She apologized for what she said, and I assured her that I wanted to be helpful and do what was best for the family. We BOTH felt a lot better and things seem to have been resolved without a disagreement! If this really has worked, it could be a breakthrough to help us avoid many instances of difficulty with communication. I am very pleased.

Today was day 100 of my walking regeime! I am very happy for this accomplishment and I am looking forward to the next goal of 150! My long range goal is to have a full year's worth of walking without missing a day. But I will talk more about that tomorrow after I think about the significance of this day more.

PipeTobacco