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Fighting Gloom
Once again, I am fighting to get myself out of the doldrums. I feel harshly ineffective and pointless. Yet, I am trying to keep myself going through the motions of day-to-day life in as normal a fashion as I can so as to hopefully have this sadness dissipate.
I feel like I am a failure of immense proportions, yet I know in my mind that I am just an average person with an average life. Yet, it does not feel that way. I wish I could find my inner "Don Quixote" again where I felt I was working to make the world better and that I was putting up "the good fight" to do what is right and good... and that my life had meaning. I miss that illusion.
PipeTobacco
4 Comments:
And Churchill had the same problem with the "black dog."
I see that you want to feel that your life has meaning, but understand intellectually that your life does have meaning.
Try Tylenol. Many of the same parts of the brain activated by physical pain is also activated by emotional pain. Apparently Tylenol soothes both. (I could look up the literature for you, but will remind you that it is recent, unreplicated, research. I'm sure you have sharper research tools than I, too.)
Oh stop your fucking whining and make the bumps in your life interesting experiences that you are learning things from.
I bitch a lot also, but I don't fucking whine. Stop being a pussy and try getting pissed for a change.
Just because you can't see the outcome doesn't mean you didn't make a difference. It's often not one person's job to make the leap, but rather take the step.
Maybe you are wanting a change in your life. Possibly it is time for a job change? Or a change in your personal life? Only you know where your dissatisfaction comes from. What is your heart's desire? It is what you have always wanted to do but keep to yourself.
Hang in there. You are a good person and doing good things. Except for that pipe smoking. ;)
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