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Who Am I?
This is day three of curtailing my pipe smoking by half by eliminating my indulgence prior to my getting home from work. Thus far, it has been remarkably uneventful and easy. I do not know what to make of that.
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Two good Internet friends whose opinions I trust have both given me advice that I may need to take. One suggests to me that I have a brain that is whirring on-and-on 24/7 analyzing everything, and the other suggests that I am never "just myself". Both of the above ideas, are, I suspect, true.
There are times when I suddenly become aware of the notion that I am all keyed up thinking about and trying to analyze all manner of b*llsh*t. I am not sure why this seems to be a default pattern in the way my mind works. I am not sure, but I am beginning to suspect that MOST people DO NOT constantly analyze things and have that mind pattern during all waking hours. I wonder if that is a symptom of my malaise, or a cause of said, or neither?
As for being "just myself"... that comment took me aback too. I do think it is quite true. I am not sure if I can easily figure out how to acquire a state of mind where I am "just myself" and not worrying, fussing, and analyzing each and every little thing. In thinking about this notion... I seem to have a pattern where *unless* I am worrying, fussing, and analyzing...... I am sleeping. It seems I sleep anytime my mind "shuts off" and stops worrying, fussing, analyzing. Have I forgotten how to just "be"? This may sound preposterous or stupid, but I am being quite serious. If I am not worrying, fussing, and analyzing.... the only times I can recognize as not having that state of worry, fussing, or analysis in is during sleep. That is rather pathetic. Damn, even my discussing the topic has me in my typical worry, fuss, analysis phase.
Enough of it!
* * * * *
[Attempt at Levity]
Funniest joke I have heard in a while, and would have loved to use it when I was 100 pounds heavier:
"I was at the doctor's office today and he asked me about my weight again." I said, looking at my wife.
"Yes dear. How did that go?" said my wife.
I responded with, "I told my doctor that inside me was a thin person trying to get out." Then I paused briefly..... before continuing, "The doctor said 'only one?'"
[rim shot]
6 Comments:
I am not sure if I can easily figure out how to acquire a state of mind where I am "just myself" and not worrying, fussing, and analyzing each and every little thing.
Rent and watch the movie, LIVING OUT LOUD.
IMHO, you would benefit from actively monitoring and moderating your self-talk, as well as meditation to clear your mind of all thoughts.
The joke is so funny and guaranteed to upset someone!!
I think you are lucky that your brain only whirr's during the day. Mine doesn't start till I put my head on my pillow!!!
I am pretty analytical. I realized at one point in my life that I was pretty much never stopping and, analyzing that thought, I realized that I had no good reason to stop and accepted it as being "just myself." I will suggest that you switch your mind to analyze something worthwhile or analyze the shapes of a cloud, the smell/shape of a rose, or the shape/sound or something else of a fractal nature. Beauty abounds.
I might also point out that probably everyone's brain is constantly going, you are just "listening in" more.
Perfectionism, OTOH, is harmful, and often you come off sounding like that.
Perfectionism is easy, just be the perfect self, whatever that is, and be damned to anyone that don't like it.
A perfect self of course would have some rowdy in it, and some rebel.
It seems to me like I smoke just as much, of course I use a little 'pot pipe', but I'm always taking a few puffs on it.
Still, my last six ounce bag of tobacco is going to last over a month.
Not sure I should bother to try quitting, I've outlived damn near everyone that told me I should.
Not much point in getting so damn old that I die shitting in a diaper anyway, that is how I spent my first year on this rock.
I want to go out burning shit up and shooting shit down. If you can't make the front page your life is wasted.
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