Preparing To Saddle Up
I apologize that I have been away from posting, but it is a result of two issues: 1) I spent only microscopic moments at the U, just checking on animals. I was not there long enough even for my computer to boot up, and 2) I have been spending time getting my home office up to snuff, and yes (for BBC) this means I have replaced my modem and can now even get on-line at home again.
My effort with controlling my pipe smoking was as difficult and as challenging as I had feared during this time. With the lack of conviction and motivation on Christmas Day, I have not had enough gumption, nor enough stubbornness to get back to where I want to be. I REALLY DESPISE myself when I do not do what I am saying I will do. So, I looked at the situation and came up with the following:
1) Unstructured time is a very hard time for me in regards to pipe smoking. I have traditionally smoked my pipe to while away time, when I was bored, when I was waiting around, etc. I need to create more structure for myself during these sorts of times. I need to also have an alternative for me to do when I am bored or waiting around. If I were to have one of those damnable "smart phones", I suppose I could fiddle around with that, or I could find some sort of paperback book to shove in my back pocket to while away the time. But neither of those seem to be particularly interesting for me to do. I need to figure out something easy to carry around that is interesting to me in that way.
2) I did not think through what to *do* during the more chaotic (unstructured) times like I did with eating. Even though I ate poorly on Christmas Day, I was able to reign myself back in the following days and am back to normal in that regard. I need to formulate a PLAN with back-up plans for me to follow during the chaotic/unstructured times like these. I need to make a plan that is filled with as many options and contingencies like I have for food. I have been successful (other than this Christmas Day) for four years now dealing with all the food flash points (birthdays, parties, gatherings, etc). I need to figure out a similar type of plan with backups for the pipe smoking flash points during the times of chaos and unstructured time. After trying to immediately get back to zero after Christmas Day and failing, I decided on Friday, since I could sense my lack of resolve, and lack of a real plan to succeed... I have gone on a more moderate goal for a few days.
While I am not at zero at the moment, this week I am hovering at between 25 - 50% only of what I would typically smoke when I was smoking my pipe freely. So, I am not giving up. Additionally, if truth be told, I am pretty sure that during these unstructured times in the past, my rate of pipe smoking was not 8 bowls (my average during a typical work week), but was probably more along the lines of 12 or maybe even 14 bowls a day. So, I am not a success at the moment, but I have not had a complete breakdown in my efforts.
I am going to think more today and decide if my new start of zero days will begin on Monday, or if they will begin on Tuesday. It will be one or the other, and I will then be back "in the saddle". I am also thinking hard about how to handle these chaos/unstructured times when they undoubtedly occur in the future. I guess that is all I can do at the moment.
PipeTobacco
Today's (Sunday's) Goal = 2
Yesterday's (Saturday's) Goal = 2 bowls
Actual consumption (Saturday) = 4 bowls
Today's (Saturday's) Goal = 2
Yesterday's (Friday's) Goal = 2 bowls
Actual consumption (Friday) = 3 bowls
Today's (Friday's) Goal = 2
Yesterday's (Thursday's) Goal = 0 bowls
Actual consumption (Thursday) = 2 bowls
Today's (Thursday's) Goal = 0
Yesterday's (Wednesday's) Goal = 0 bowls
Actual consumption (Wednesday) = 3 bowls
8 Comments:
Don't beat yourself up about it buddy, we're all fucking up at it, there's a lot of shit coming at us and we're just dealing with it the best we can.
If you haven't read it I suggest you get a copy of, "I ain't much, baby - but I'm all I've got".
By Jess Lair...
Don’t know if you know of him, maybe you do, but he was a pretty interesting man.
Jess lair was an advertising executive who, after a heart attack, changed his lifestyle and began realizing what was important in life.
He became an inspirational author, one of whose 'heroes' was Vince Lombardi
He wrote such books as "I ain't much, baby--but I'm all I've got."
"I Aint Well But I Sure Am Better: Mutual Need Therapy"
"Ain't I a wonder ... and ain't you a wonder, too!"
"I don't know where I'm going, but I sure ain't lost"
"Hey, God, what should I do now?"
"Sex: If I Didn't Laugh I'd Cry"
"How to Have A Perfect Marriage"
He espoused such things as are advocated in the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous while not speaking directly to only alcoholics or addicts.
He lived in Bozeman, Montana and after his heart attack did not bother spending time with people whose face did not light up when he entered the room.
He considered this time much wiser spent than having such activities as 'business lunches' where all parties concerned were bored, and only there to make money which when all is said and done, can not buy happiness.
Dr. Jess Lair was a professor at Montana State University. He died February 24, 2000 at age 73.
Been some time since I read it but do recall one line. "I'm not the man I used to be, never was."
Don't despise yourself, Pipe...I, too, have slipped! I've been ill with strep, very sick today, and for some reason, smoking is my comfort when I'm sick. But I'm not giving up on myself...and I'm not giving up on you!
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