Variations of a Theme
Today is the 79th day without my pipes. 79 days. It seems like a helluva long time in some ways, but it really a very short time frame in reality.
There have been a number of days since Lent ended that it has been reasonably simple to not smoke my pipes. I *would* of course think about them every day.... but on some days the thoughts are relatively easy to handle and I just move on. However, there *ARE* days still that are very, *VERY* challenging. For the past week, I have been having most evenings, some very significant yearnings to smoke my pipe. And, this has surprised me to a degree. I had anticipated the yearnings would gradually diminish in a somewhat inverse slope fashion. From my experience during these 79 days, that is NOT my experience.
My experience with refraining from the pipe is that I am finding my emotions about the hobby are far more like a sine wave . It is a continual, undulating series of hills and valleys. One day, I seem to have minimal pipe desire, and then the next the desire is fiercely strong.... and it seems to occupy most of my imagination.
I firmly believe, that while I easily admit to enjoying the physiological effects of nicotine, that a large part of my undulating feelings about the pipe are more from an emotional standpoint. Sometimes I think I may want the comfort of my pipe in much the same way a young child may want the comfort of his security blanket. Other times, I believe I want to have pipe to experience even more vividly some sort of happiness I am experiencing.... or to quiet my mind from stress... or .... and it goes on and on. I guess I am so used to having a pipe be a friendly factor in so many of my emotions over the years, that I can find a connection most any day or time if I think about it. And, again, on numerous times this week, those thoughts have been powerfully strong.
So, what can I say with certainty? Not a helluva lot. I am trying to refrain. I feel stronger encouragements in my mind to go back and enjoy a pipe or two or 10 or 20 or.... you get the picture.... than I would have anticipated feeling.
I do not know really. I am not sure what to think. This must all be a part of the process. I guess.
PipeTobacco
4 Comments:
I found today's Family Circus ( http://familycircus.com/ ) reminded me of your blog!
(just kidding!)
You have passed the point of no return
Congratulations x
Shcrodinger's Dog: Hehe, it is a little similar, isn't it. I tend to talk about it here because it still amazes me that a previously fat, still slovenly schlump has been able to do this running. I also talk about it here to get my thoughts down because really no one in my day-to-day real life wants to hear it. :). I know that, so this gives me a place to talk about a great deal of stuff no one normally wants to here.
John... the question is, however which point of no return have I reached?!? No more pipe? Or, no more trying to refrain from
The pipe because it still seems such a part of me?
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