Trying Hard

It was a decent weekend and for the most part, I was able to put aside temporarily some of my hurt and anger about work.  However, it is still hard.  I am still working to come to terms with how uncaring, disappointing, and mean-spirited of a place it is.  If I can push through the acceptance of these facts, I will be able to move on with my life and create a new day-to-day life here.

In many ways it is exactly the five stages of grief:

1. denial,  2. anger,  3. bargaining,  4. depression and  5. acceptance

In my own journey in this wretched situation, I have been following the classes stages of grief to the letter.  I came upon that realization just during this weekend. 

In looking back over the last 3 years of this, I can recall that during the first month or two I was clearly in the denial stage.  But, that was short lived.  

I have been in various aspects of the anger, bargaining, and depression stages for  the past 2 - 2.5 years. It is a helluva place to be and I despise it.  I vacillate back and forth between each of the three of them.

I really have no damn idea on how to proceed to the acceptance phase.  But, I believe that is what I need to do.  I am going to try to do some reading about it for insight.  

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In terms of things I am greatful for:

1.  I am thankful for my wife.  She supports me emotionally as best as she can.  She may not always fully understand the complexities of my emotions, but her sincere love, and her desire to help me are so appreciated.

2.  I am glad that I have learned how to run, and I am glad that I can count on it to at least dampen some of my stress.  

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