Sad & Hurt
Well, I was hurt by someone this weekend. It was an emotional hurt that stirred up a lot of emotions in me. I am still working through this so, I am using today to put thoughts on paper to try to fix this...
1. In the greater scheme of things, what was said was not anything new. This person has this sort of behavior that has been a part of this person's personality for as long as I have known this person.
2. We have had hurt feelings and arguments over this same behavioral response from this person in the past.... many times.
3. No matter how I try to work through and reason with this person on how I need to have us proceed in this matter, it never does any good.
4. I feel like a hit my head against a wall every time this happens.
So, since I cannot get the other person to understand the impact of their actions on me, my only real option is to change myself. But, that is a damn sight easier said than done.
So, I look to my faith. My faith tells me that I need to forgive those who hurt me. So, that is what I am trying to do with limited success. But, I will keep focusing on this and trying to keep in mind that the only person I can control is ME and how I react and respond.
Interestingly, I would really like to have a pipe at this time. I am not wanting a pipe at the moment just for the sheer pleasure and joy of the briar and the burley leaf. I am, due to my anger and hurt, wanting a pipe as a sort of solace, perhaps even a pacifier to sooth my soul. In much the same way, when I was hurt and angry, I used to go and eat a lot of unhealthy crap.
It took a lot of years for me to get to the point where I am now, in that I have as a routine that I *will not* and *do not* eat when angry or hurt... I think of it is as a waste of time and a waste of calories. But, not having the pipe to help me cope with the hurt and anger... that is still a new effort by me and each time is a challenge. But, I am bound and determined that *if* I ever have a pipe again... it damn well *will not* be wasted by having it happen when I am feeling angry or hurt. If I ever have a pipe again, I want it to be at a point of joy.
PipeTobacco
5 Comments:
This is a tough one. I once troubled myself for many months about why a co-worker suddenly began giving me the silent treatment. I still don't know what set her off, but eventually I had to ask myself, "How much space do you want to give this person in your head?" I wrote her off. I didn't retaliate, just accepted the fact that the friendship, such as it was, was over.
When you are a teacher, you look for ways to teach and improve others. Sadly, it doesn't often work.
You're doing good, Pipe.
This was very helpful to me, thank you. I hope you are feeling better about the situation in the meantime.
You are strong, to have conquered the turning to food as a comfort. I'm not there yet.
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