The Conundrum - Elaborated

(Note:  In the above image the TOP pipe (the one with the smooth bowl) is of a beautiful  Dunhill Bent Bulldog Pipe.  In my large collection of pipes, I have one that is pretty much identical to that one and it has always been a favorite of mine.)

As I mentioned last week, there are many days when I do not think deeply and longingly about my pipes and pipe tobaccos.  I still think about them, but it is only a fleeting thought.  I guess this is good for my general goal.  But, it is "different" feeling for me. 

If push came-to-shove, and there was no knowledge of the detrimental effects of indulgence in tobacco.... there would be no reason for me to refrain.  So, sometimes I do imagine in my mind the "ignorance is bliss" situation of living as a professor in the 1940s, or the 1930s or 1920s or even earlier.... where smoking a pipe was not KNOWN to be detrimental and hence no reason to NOT indulge. 

I have often contemplated if I could go back to smoking a pipe but do so in a more "on occasion" basis?  Even though I am not planning to do so, I *do* believe I could do this now if I so chose to do so.  But, again, in reality.... the idea of having a bowl of pipe tobacco perhaps once a week or once a month, or 3-4 times a year.... that sort of pattern just feels FOR ME to be "unnatural" or perhaps I should say "forced" or "prescribed".  I do know many folks who do indulge in the hobby in this fashion, and they relish this "on occasion" status and do so very well.  I am glad that this sort of arrangement works nicely for them.  But.....

For me, however...  the "on occasion" route, while doable, feels so non-fluid, so unorganic, so STILTED for my own vision of the how *I* would live the hobby, that the idea of "on occasion" seems more like "work" for me and less like "enjoyment".  In the form of an analogy to try to better describe my idea:

Compare these two shirts..... Shirt "A" is a very beautiful, very crisp, tailored formal dress shirt that has been starched and pressed and is beautiful and pristine.  It is as vividly white as a fresh snowfall on a crystal clear, sunny morning..  Shirt "B" is a dense, comfortable, well fitting, but also well worn old flannel shirt in a muted array of red and black plaid. 

Which shirt is better as a "goal"?  I think logicallly "A" is the "better" of the two shirts.  "A" is also the notion of smoking a pipe "on occasion".  It is a nobel, ideal goal.   It offers pretty much all positives, just like the white dress shirt.

Yet, shirt "B" would arguably be the shirt I would RATHER wear... pretty much damn near everywhere, every day.  In the same way, if I were to smoke a pipe again... I would want it to be "fluid" unencumbered with rules/goals/plans.  I would want to pick up the pipe when my mind feels it is enjoyable to do so, and ignore the pipe when it seems unneeded or undesired. 

I do not think I can arrange the "on occasion" method in a fashion that would feel "fluid" and "dynamic" and "organic" for me.  Instead, I believe it would feel "planned" and "static, and "ill-fitting".  I believe I *could* do this "on occasion" method now.... but I do not see any benefit. 

The idea saddens me actually.  I had envisioned back when I started to fast at Lent over 14 months ago, that a great goal would be to reshape my reality to be an "on occasion" pipe smoker.  So, since I do not *want* to go back to "free-form" indulgence in my pipes and pipe toabccos, but I also cannot (yet) discern a way to go back to them in a fashion that is fluid and vibrant, but also "on-occasion".... it seems my most appropriate option at this time is to still just refrain and be a pipe smoker who simply does not indulge. 

PipeTobacco