Bulleted List on Thursday
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As it seems it is where my mind is at, I am going to again post a scattering of thoughts I am having. It may perhaps be a sign that I am not of clear focus, or who knows what:
- I awoke feeling very grumpy feelings towards the person I do not find pleasant or appropriate at work. I felt a lot of the old hurts caused by the mean-spirited, unfortunate person.
- I ran, and ran hard this morning at 6:15am, and it helped to dissipate some of my feelings I awoke with. Unfortunately not all, but a lot of them. I hope to continue to have them dissipate today.
- I have signed up for some training in specialized "Zoom" and "Teams" features that will help give ideas on how to better navigate these programs within a classroom setting. I have used both, and both seem decent, but I am hoping I *am* going to learn some things to make their use even better.
- Just as I feared, there is already a noticeable spiking in Covid-19 cases in the states here that "opened-up" two or so weeks ago. I suspect that *most* of this spiking is associated with folks who do not think.... and disregard the guidance of safe social distancing practice and mask usage... which is still critical even as communities open up to a degree. I suspect we are on an at least one-month surge in the development of new cases because of so many states having opened up... but again it is not the opening up that I think is the major problem... it is the disregard for how to BEHAVE during this opening up period that is going to fail us all. I really do fear the soon to be noticeable surge in cases due to the unfortunately widespread lack of PPE use during the protests.
- It makes me sad and frustrated that the disregard or ignoring of scientific guidance is so widespread. It effects all of us, for with an upsurge, then the risks even with PPE also increase.
- I *STILL* want to smoke a pipe... and the feelings about it are *still* very intense. I simply do not understand WHY the intensity of my desire has changed for the last several days and has been comparable to the initial feelings I had when I first laid down my pipes roughly 26 months ago. It does not make sense to me that the feelings and emotions have roared back into this level of intensity. This morning, I have taken to holding an empty pipe in my mouth as I work to see if that will quell some of the desires.
- I need to try to get done with my necessary teaching work as soon as possible today. I need to try to find some time to be "off" of work this afternoon, so I do not feel like I am constantly working.
6 Comments:
We have gone to phase 2, at least outside of the Toronto-Niagara region. We'll see what happens.
It seems to me that pipe-smoking gave you a lot of pleasure. Did you stop because of health reasons and/or doctor's warnings?
Gap:
No, no health reasons nor doctor’s warnings. I decided to refrain for a variety “philosophical” reasons. Some of them included:
1. To show that I had enough “gumption” to be able to do so (a temporary goal, perhaps).
2. As a Lenten Vow to try to be focused more outside of self and selfishness.
3. With the passing of my elderly father-in-law a few weeks before I started to refrain, I had lost my friend, and my pipe smoking (and occasional drinking) buddy.... the pastime seemed “different” in that I felt isolated.
4. The crabbiness of others in the larger public about smoking.
There were other reasons as well, but they all intertwine with the reasons above in some fashion.
I guess in a nutshell, it felt that in 2018 when I began to refrain, it felt like it was something I *should* do to try to be a better person in the 2018 and onward world. No matter how I wish the pipe tobacco atmosphere was like it was in the earlier decades of my life, the world has changed negatively in that way.
PipeTobacco
I think the stress of quarantine and what is going on in the world is making you wish for the pipe...
Interesting, Professor...My problem is almost the opposite. I WANT to be a pipe-smoker...and I suppose technically I am....but sometimes I feel like a fraud, like I'm playing at it. There are folks out there...probably like yourself...that were born to pipe-smokers: Contemplative, philosophical...I remember some of your vivid, almost poetic posts about melding flame to tobacco. You are very passionate about the hobby/lifestyle. It seemed very much a part of you. For my own part, I am lazy...and anything that seems like work or effort, I shy away from it. And that includes the pipe. Unlike cigarettes or even cigars, it takes futzing, fiddling, and no small amount of devotion to learn its arcane practices. It's almost a devotional. I have to REALLY be in the mood to do it. (More often than not, I'm recording a video for the YTPC.) Maybe its the camaraderie, the bonding, the sense of deep contemplation that goes with it. Maybe it's the well-centered sense of masculinity. Maybe all those. The point, I suppose, is that you're doing what makes YOU happy as long as you're not hurting others. Because if you're not looking after yourself, you sure as hell won't be able to look after the ones near and dear to you. Just my two cents. As to the psychic vampire who is driving you nuts during these ZOOM meetings...give her as little of your psyche, emotion, nor attention as possible. People like her feed on that. You can't change her...but you can change your reaction to her. Go blank. Pretend she's talking from a great distance. Interact with her to the bare minimum necessary. Easier said than done, I know...but why should SHE get your energy? Be well professor. And hearty contemplation....
I am in my eighth decade: time is to precious to fuck it up moping - a day is to important to mind-fuck-it and waste it. You will never get this day back, and over thinking it doesn't leave you in a place to appreciate the beauty around you.
Some people suck
some things suck
Pull up your big girl panties and dance on thin ice.
the Ol'Buzzard
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