So, So, Cyborg

 Today was a giant “DO” day..... meaning I did a helluva lot on my computer.  But, even though it was non-stop cyborging... it was comfortable cyborging..... of things that were at least mildly NORMAL.... like grading, like writing lectures, like attending a modestly productive meeting.  It was not the 55,000 mouse click to get one thing cyborged type work that is really IT work.  If I had a permanent job as an IT person, I truly believe I would give up and live as a homeless bum on the street instead.  I am amazed at the stamina people who like IT minutia have for that sort of thing.  To me it is draining.  

I had incredibly deep yearnings for a pipe and pipe tobacco today all day too... but they were not distracting nor even having me feel glum..... they were very intense, but they were mostly giving me feelings of joy because I KNOW how utterly delightful pipe tobacco in a warm briar pipe can be.  I *think* I was finding the memories of indulging wonderful because they were so, so very true and real.  But, even though I wanted to smoke a pipe very much...  I was, I guess, in a place of mind with my busy PRODUCTIVE work, that I felt I was in a NORMAL place to experience the yearnings.... like I would sometimes feel.... even when regularly indulging to my hearts content, but that it was inconvenient to do so.... so the yearning just felt normal and regular.  I am not sure if that makes sense or not.  

I ran my 9 miles starting at 6:00am in bright moonlight to guide my way..... and finished just after a beautiful, sunny daybreak.  

Still working on how to write about my feelings about the suicide..... I am getting a plan that I think will work and be safe too.  

Turning OFF the computer to shower and eat and spend time with my wife.  But 

PipeTobacco