Four Years

 

Today marks four years since I have tasted the flavors of my various pipe tobaccos.  It has been four years since I have felt the ephemeral beauty of my neurons being bathed in the exquisite nectar provided in the gentle combustion of leaf within the bowl of one of my pipes.  It has been four years since I have felt the palpable and delectable, chalky texture of pipe smoke upon my tongue or in my visage.   

I perhaps should have a feeling of a sense of accomplishment. "A job well accomplished."  "A feeling of stamina and fortitude in my being."  With running, and with walking prior to that, I DO feel these things. I felt that sense of accomplishment when I reached 12 miles (~19.3 km) this morning  And, I do feel those things also when I maintain my normal BMI.  Yet, in regard to abstaining from my beloved pipes and pipe tobaccos, I do not feel accomplished, nor does it seem LIKE an accomplishment.

I began my “sans pipe” journey on Ash Wednesday of Lent, in 2018.  It was only two weeks since the passing of my smoking buddy, my father-in-law, that I began this journey.  As odd as it may sound, my journey has felt to me as a lone journey, a solitary exile.  Yet, not an exile that I chose, per se, but one foisted upon me by the changes and passage of time.  

I would greatly enjoy smoking my pipes and feeling their comfort.  Every cell of my body is enamored with the poetry of the pipe, the story of the gentle tobacco leaf, and the artistry of the flame.  I am innately a pipe smoking fellow.  I have been such, I believe, even before I began the avocation.  I now feel certain that I will always be such.  

Yet, the world  is not what it was.  For so long…. well before I was even a zygote, the grace and the charms of the pipe and pipe tobaccos existed and was known by many.   The pipe’s  graces instilled in countless others the same magic and same joys that I allowed myself to be imbued with through the practice of the art of smoking a pipe.  I felt a kindred connection with the global camaraderie and shared experience in something so beautiful.  Yet even in its beauty, it was so much MORE beautiful because there was no NEED to smoke pipes and pipe tobaccos.... it was and still is an indulgence, a "spice"….  a BONUS activity to simply DO in life without relevance to the requirements of the day.... it was just joyful..... a extraneous option to have a choice to do within the realm of the necessary requirements of day-to-day life.  Pipes and pipe tobaccos can soothe when I am sad, can heighten happiness when life is filled with joy, and be a willing companion to assist in times of creativity, or in stress, or in times of relaxation.  But, perhaps the very best part is that pipe smoking was always done in an extemporaneous fashion.... at its most basic level.... it could occur at the spur-of-the-moment, any moment where it would feel fun, helpful or useful.   

So, unfortunately, today I am still in limbo.  I want to smoke my pipes.  Yet, I do not want a return to be rigid, timed, nor forced.  In 2022…. truthfully the rumblings of it probably started to be noticed by me beginning in around 2005.... it is not easy to be a pipe smoker.  A little bit (in 2005)…..  but a majority of the time now (2022)… you need to be a willing, lone wolf…. tilting at windmills in an Quixote-esque fashion to be a pipe smoker.  Being a “lone wolf” pipe smoker is a helluva lot of work.  It is often challenged and challenging.     It is also quite often a pain in the "posterior" to be a lone wolf.  Yet, when I had at least SOME moments where it could still be casual, free-flowing, extemporaneous, and like it was in the "old days"....  then it was easy for me to deal with the negatives of the "lone wolf" effect.... because I could look forward to a time and a place where it felt just like it did in the past…. for my own memories, the 1960s through.... to about 2005 or so. But as time has progressed, the number of such linkages to that calm, gentle period of time have diminished.  First my father passed, then a couple of uncles, and even pipe smoking friends from graduate school…. they live scattered across the world (and many have even quit the pipe).  No legitimate tobacconist is anywhere nearby me to create that sense of community..... the nearest one is now close to an hours drive away.  All the former ones have converted into either "Vape" shops or into what we used to call "Head" shops back in the 60s and 70s.  And…. so…. with the passage of my pipe smoking buddy, my father-in-law, I lost the last, near connection I had to the wonderful, tranquil past.  

So, on February 14, 2022, I am still in a no-man's land of nebulousity.  I know what I would WANT, but what I want does not seem to exist anymore. Our society has changed.  Perhaps there is a way out there that I may discover.  I have not discovered it yet, but I can still try to muster hope that I may, some day.

PipeTobacco