Panicky

 

Although nothing is wrong, I am feeling a sense of panic/anxiety this morning.  This is NOT typical for me.  For while you all know I can have a variety of worries, concerns, moody feelings at various times.... the feeling of "panic" for no ascribable reason is really not something I typically experience.  It is weird and is disconcerting.  

• I thought running this morning would surely help dissipate this feeling of "panic".  I was able to get in only 8 miles this morning (~13 km) because I had to be at the U very, very early for class, so I hit the pavement at 4:45am.  
• Yet, I still feel that edginess of "panic".
• My teaching needs today are not particularly strenuous.... in fact, perhaps of any day of the semester, this day has less need for me to mentally focus.... part of the day is taken up by an exam the students will take, and the lab and lecture portions are very simple, "old-hat" topics I know like the back of my hand.

I am thinking perhaps this feeling of "panic" may somehow be related to an overnight trip I am going on with my wife after my U work today.  But, that is just stupid.  I have been looking forward to this trip with my wife for months.  It is the first "adventure" trip we have been able to experience in over a year, and we both have been excited.  The trip is needed as my wife has a work related task she needs to perform at a site about 4.5  hours away.  Work will pay for her hotel room, so I get to tag along and when she is not at work, we can play.  And, I can play while she is at work too. 😁

And, it is only a one night trip.  We will be back home tomorrow evening.

Maybe, what I am feeling this "panic" about is our dog.  She is not able to come with me and my wife, so she is staying home.  And, my youngest son (who lives in our house) is tasked with taking care of her. And, in reality he is fully capable of this task.  I know that.  Yet, I do have to admit that I worry.  I worry that he will not be attentive enough to ensure that nothing unforseen happens.  In my mind I imagine all sorts of horrible scenarios (a) the dog suddenly bolts and runs away, b) my son and the dog play too hard and the dog gets a sore leg or something similar, c) the dog doesn't listen to my son and gets loose and is hit by a car or some such thing.  

In my MIND, I know the above is STUPID and FOOLISH to worry about.  In my logical mind, I know the probability of any of the three occurring is VERY, VERY LOW.  But, I do actually think that "the dog" may be why I am feeling panicky.  Just writing about it above, had me feel that sense of "panic" build.  

Again, I KNOW IN MY MIND how foolish and idiotic these feelings are.  But, my mind is not (this morning at least) able to quell or over-ride my "gut" responses.  

At least writing through this has helped me to better pinpoint where these emotions are coming from. I am not sure how I will try to dissipate these damn feelings.... when my logical mind already knows they are stupid emotions and cannot quiet them.  Maybe just having the recognition of where they are coming from will help me to squash them in some fashion.  

PipeTobacco