Comments on Comments August 5th

As always, I want you to know that I GREATLY appreciate comments.  I hope folks will comment and comment more often.  I learn a lot from your comments.... and it seemed to go well the last time when I replied to comments in this format (it seems like folks read this more than going back to earlier comments to see replies.  So, I am planning to have this be a regular (probably Monday) occurrence, where I reply to comments from the last week:

AC said...

 "I was wondering if you’d have lunch. Although we haven been there for a long time, i remember the food being decent and inexpensive."

Yes, IKEA lunch is always a part of the experience I especially like.  It is a rather simple cafeteria.... but it is very clean, very bright and open.... and it has food options that I find INTERESTING and DIFFERENT from most other cafeteria-like places.  Another enjoyable item I had last week that I failed to mention was Lingonberry Soda. I very much like lingonberries and have purchased their lingonberry jam in the past.  

"Well, that is a pretty fulsome description. I would never write like that, due to both interest and ability, I appreciated the post. However, from now on, I shall call you Norm."

Yes, unfortunately, when I get a bit "wound up" at times, I can be too damn verbose here.  

 

Margaret said.....

"I used to like Bridge mix but picked out the nuts because much of the other stuff I didn't like. I've never heard of the bunny basket eggs but they look like jelly bellies."

I really enjoyed EVERYTHING in Brach's Bridge Mix.  And, perhaps oddly, I especially liked the ones with the cherry jelly inside and the ones with the vanilla cream inside.  I happened to find a facsimile bridge mix at a dollar store this past weekend which was better than the other variants I have found of late. It is not Brachs.... not by a long shot.... but it is better than what I have been finding.  

"I hope you got to attend the Cigar Group! I've only been to IKEA a couple of times and found it an overwhelming experience. Since one of those times was in Brooklyn, NY to buy apartment furniture for my daughter, that's understandable."

It can be overwhelming.  When my wife and I go together (without any of the kids) it is more enjoyable because we can set the pace and the route(s) of the experience.  Anytime we have gone with one or more of the kids, it is far more exhausting as it seems we end up inevitably at an accelerated pace and in patterns that are more focused on what THEY are interested in.

"I approve of your reframing and I work on that every day. I decided long ago to try to enjoy my life and find joy/the good and I mostly do."

Yes, when I can muster up the energy it takes to REFRAME it is very helpful.  It can be exhausting though to fight against the initial emotions.  But, I have to think that if I keep at it.... and keep persevering at it.... perhaps I can change my mindset to have eventually the REFRAME become the primary thought initially.  

"So much to deal with/manage! Are some members of the committee not very computer savvy? That would be infuriating."

The person who is always the monkey wrench in the gearbox is the "veterinarian".  This person (who no longer practices (NOT because of age (that is a hint)) is such an odd duck that this person makes professors seem "incredibly savvy, smooth, and quirk-free" by comparison.  This "vet" is so obstinately fixated on things that are immaterial to what the committee is about (the committee is tasked with approving research design)....... and this person spends weeks and months pouring over unimportant minutia of extra spaces between words, misplaced periods (like for instance "et. al." versus "et al.") and the like.  And, the person is so damnably slow and obnoxious.  I do think this person is NOT the strongest computer user either, but the majority of the problem is that this person has no clue what the role is.

Pam J said....

"I still drive a manual transmission and hope I never have to give it up. Ditto for my husband and son. If possible I'd like to have a car with roll-down windows but they're very, very hard to find as I learned when I bought my car in 2010."

I happily still have a manual transmission and have only had my vehicles be manual transmissions (except for one year where I was sold a decrepit beast with an automatic at a price too good to pass up) since I was 18 years old.  Depending on what my wife and I decide at retirement, my manual days may then possibly end if we decide to share one vehicle.   I too never trusted the electronic gizmos (like power windows and power door locks).  

"I also think you're showing all the signs of a person ready for retirement. Maybe it's not feasible right now, but I think you're mentally ready."

In many ways I AM ready.  I do know I am much less tolerant of work-related b*llsh*t than I was in the past.  I do wonder and worry though that I am not prepared to deal with what I fear may be a loss of "identity" as a professor and a researcher.  If I do NOT have a job to go to or do.... will I lose my identity?  I sometimes imagine possible ways to reimagine my self-identity in retirement, but it is a bit of a struggle.  The stereotypical old-guy, retiree "golfer" type who does nine holes every morning and putters around the rest of the day does not really seem a good fit.  I am not sure where I fit in retirement.  It does sometimes give me pause.  

I saw this recently and thought of you. It's from a book called Tao & Zen:

What is my purpose in life? I asked the void.

What if I told you that you fulfilled it when you took an extra hour to talk to that kid about his life? said the voice.

Or when you paid for that young couple in the restaurant? Or when you saved that dog in traffic? Or when you tied your father’s shoes for him?"

I like the above a lot.  

"Your problem is that you equate your purpose with goal-based achievement. The Universe isn’t interested in your achievements…just your heart. When you choose to act out of kindness, compassion, and love, you are already aligned with your true purpose. No need to look any further."

A lot of the above makes sense.  Yet, I am not THINKING I have a life of "goal-based achievement" but perhaps I am looking at that incorrectly.  I believe I DO try to live with a clean and kind heart, and I believe that I DO strive to live a life of kindness, compassion and love. However, perhaps I am not doing so in the ways you are meaning.

A part of me (perhaps incorrectly) equates accomplishing something visible or tangible as a way to show kindness, compassion and love.  Is it necessary to accomplish in order to show kindness, compassion and love?  I am not sure if I know.  It is rather difficult for me to discern.  For, if I do not work hard and do not strive to DO..... am I able to show kindness, compassion, or love?   

I am serious about this.... IS there a way to show kindness, compassion, or love WITHOUT doing something?  I do not really know how to think about that statement. I suspect there MUST be..... but I am having difficulty thinking of how.   Am I missing a fundamental concept here?  In some ways the ideas of the "Love Languages" comes into play ("Love Languages" was a concept about how we give and want love.... and was somewhat popular several years ago.... and my wife and read the book and it helped us in better communicating our love to each other).  For me, "doing" is the way I show love and the way I feel love.  And, I guess for most all of my life, that meant when I wanted to show I cared, I would work doggedly at whatever was needed to show that.  

Pat said....

" I hope, Professor, that you can apply this practice of comparison to your pipe-smoking as well, and recognize that your life was enriched by your pipes and tobaccos, and that it can be that way again if you choose."

I agree fully that my life was enriched by my pipes and pipe tobaccos!  In many ways, life visually seemed more vivid, more like beautiful, Kodachrome film images! Life in sound seemed more melodic,more substantial.  Emotionally it could quell and quiet sadness and amplify joys.  

INITIALLY: Pipe-smoking brings health risks and social ostracism.

ALTERNATIVE: You can enjoy your pipes socially (as with the retired cigar smokers), and you can take great care of your health such that...  ...pipe-smoking can be a net benefit as part of an overall healthy lifestyle.

"From your mouth to God's ear." is what I say to the "alternative" statement.  I am modestly hopeful that I may be very able to do that sometime in the future.  Right now, I am still mainly working on trying to assure that I "fit in" the "Retiree's Cigar Group".  It is not as easy for me for me to "fit in"  (whereas it may be for many).  I am unfortunately, NOT adept at small talk in group settings, although I am a damn good listener.  For the time being, when I get to go to the group, I will indulge in a cigar.  

I can say that the cigar I have had on both occasions is pleasant, generally.  BUT, it also IS NOT  a pipe nor is it pipe tobacco.... both of which are exponentially MORE.  For those who do not enjoy tobacco, it likely seems preposterous to think there would be as significant a difference as I am suggesting.... but I can attest to it being so.  

Again, though, the cigar was a friendly option for me to get my feet in the door, so-to-speak.  And, it will help me "fit in" as I try to forge friendships.  Being a lone pipe smoker at this stage would have me stick out like a sore thumb, which would NOT help me to better "fit in".  

But, IF THINGS GO WELL, what I am thinking is that...  sometime later in the Fall.... perhaps around Thanksgiving or a bit after.... presuming I do finally "fit in" comfortably, I can perhaps have a pipe instead of a cigar then.  I have found and perused their very, very limited pipe tobacco selection and similarly limited pipe selection.  There is one pipe tobacco that I could buy an ounce of on that auspicious (hoped for) day in the future.... they have Lane's 1Q.   

Thus far, I have looked every time since I have found the pipes and pipe tobaccos at the shop.... and none of the jars has decreased even a fraction of an inch in the amount of leaf, nor has a single pipe moved.  I suspect they have all been there a VERY long time, untouched.  They are in a distant corner, whereas the rest of the shop is all about the cabinets and cabinets and humidors and humidors filled to the brim with cigars.  

PipeTobacco