Hello Friends:

A very thoughtful and well spoken Internet friend of mine, Dean, wrote to me in my comments section about [paraphrased] "why is it important that I reconcile with Kevin?"

There are several reasons, which I shall list in brief form here:

1. As a scientist, it gnaws at me when I do not understand something, and I do not understand why Kevin has such rancor for me. I honestly cannot recall anything I said that I would have expected to make him so upset. I try to pursue a dialogue with Kevin to either a) resolve the situation so that we may be able to discuss subjects, or b) at least have a real understanding of what it is that Kevin believes I have done that is so upsetting to him. If I could at least understand what it is that happened, it would give me some sort of complete picture.... as it currently stands the situation feels nebulous.

2. Another reason why I continue to try to figure this out is that it was Kevin's blog that first exposed me to the world of blogging. Without the exposure to his site and the creative ideas it instilled in me, I would not be aware of this alternative world of communication... other than in a hazy sort of "yeah, I have heard about blogs, but they sound too faddish, too technological, and too geared towards only the young for an old fellow like me to even bother looking into" sort of way. I would not have my own blog now, nor would I have met any of the wonderful blog authors such as "Grumpy Old Man", "Plark", "Dweeb" nor many, many others (Reminder to myself... a future essay should focus on identifying the aspects of what I find so valuable about perhaps the top 20 blogs I read). As Kevin was the first blog I read, and due to the fact that it has been written so well and spoke such a strong message, I feel it is very important for me to figure out what happened here that caused this rancor to develop. It does not make sense.

3. Perhaps another reason why I would like to "mend fences" with Kevin (again, please keep in mind, I do not even understand why the fence is broken) is that his writings about physical homelessness struck a chord with me because there are many times in my life (for a long stretch during graduate school and occasional, short term bouts to this day) where I feel what I could call an "emotional homelessness".... a saddness or meloncholy about life and my place in it that does not jibe with either my physical world nor my spiritual/philosophical world. In my physical world I am very fortunate. My job is pleasant, my income satisfactory, my home comfortable. In my spiritual/philosophical world my family is a joy, my religious beliefs a support and comfort, and my philosophical view a reassuring logic. Yet, the emotional side of me is often at odds with how I perceive my physical or my spiritual/philosophical world to be. At times I feel emotionally adrift, akin to my emotions not having a place to reside. In this way, I find a link with what Kevin writes. Although he mostly writes about his physical homelessness, I can read an undercurrent of emotional homelessness there as well that I find insightful and helpful when he writes about it.

4. A final reason why I would like to be able to talk with Kevin through his blog is that I feel my research background helps me to see that it may be this bit of illogic (meaning... this particular turn of events where Kevin is put off by me for no reason that I can discern) that may keep Kevin homeless. The rancor he has shown towards me seems similar to the rancor he has shown others in a variety of situations he has written about.... the people who governed the loft space he had, people who were in charge of the shelter, etc. I think that if Kevin could figure out why this sort of response occurs in him, it could transform his life for the better. Therefore, if I keep trying to figure out the "why" of what made Kevin rancorous towards me, and if I can perhaps find a positive resolution to this situation, I think I may be able to help Kevin work towards his goal while at the same time help me in my own (the three listed above)interests as well.

This is at least a good overview of the reasons I have tried to mend fences with Kevin. Again, I do not understand what caused the fence to breakdown, and that in itself is confusing. Dean, thank you for posing the question.

PipeTobacco