Hello:

The following are comments I have for those who commented on my post from November 29th:

Thank you all for your suggestions. Specific comments follow:

Phil said: Allow me to offer you some ideas to deflect boredom and restlessness.

Boredom is never a problem with me because I actually relish doing nothing. A long time ago I had a friend who said that if one does nothing, do nothing well. That is what I strive for. It is how I meditate, by attempting (and this is hard for me) to become an empty vessel. It is amazing to me how entertaining this is. I can live life, not as a hardship, but as a pasttime. (Per my favorite author, Henry Thoreau).

I don't always do nothing. At times, my anxiety emanating from my naturally ocurring wanderlust motivates me to spring to action, volunteering for the most mundane, menial tasks at the local Salvation Army, Homeless Shelter, our home, our neighborhood, etc. to do things for others that nobody else wants to do, which need to be done, all without any recognition whatsoever.

Just some ideas.

Phil... I agree with you about learning the ability to enjoy "nothingness" and I can at times find the ability to relish that very non-event. Unfortunately, I think my mindset is different than only boredom at the moment.

Dean said: To me, the logical cure for boredome is to do things you would normally never do. Since I don't know what city you live in, I can't recommend a Ferris Bueller type of city specific gameplan, but here is a generic suggested agenda.

If you have some version of the holiday blues, I suggest that you skip work for a day, rent A Muppet Christmas Carol, watch it at high volume, then visit the gaudiest mall in your neighborhood and buy a bunch of mindless video games AND an electric scooter. Drink copious amounts of whiskey, go ice-skating, ride home on your electric scooter and then play your video games until dawn. Consider getting an Elasti-girl tattoo to commemorate your evening, but at a minimum, don't forget to bring your digital camera so that you can memorialize your experiences for your blog. (At least get the movie...)

Dean... A wonderful suggestion. The devil-may-care attitude is definetly one worth emulating on occassion. I especially enjoyed the electric scooter and the whiskey aspects. Unfortunately, The aspect of my mindset that is the most troublesome is that I lack the mental energy to do a damn thing at the moment.

Nanoglitch said: This happens to everybody at some point where everything just seems to lose value and meaning. At this point one is faced with two options. You either find the meaning in it or you learn to ignore it.

Nanoglitch... You seem to have hit the nail on the head. It seems that I find little to no meaning in life at the moment. Your suggestions on either finding new meaning or ignoring it are exactly correct with my frame of thought at the moment. Unfortunately, what I would like to do (find new meaning) seems beyond my grasp at the moment, and ignoring the feelings seems equally unatainable currently.


* * * * * * *

In a nutshell, life seems too fragile and death and doom seem to lurk around each corner. The various illnesses in my family and the stresses of these illnesses and the fragmentation of my thoughts due to these harsh realities of life make me feel listless. I know it is impossible to have life be happy all of the time, but in the same vein must life be nearly always fearful and sad... with death or illness of loved ones lurking around every corner? Must there never be a time of feeling "happy-go-lucky" without a worry in the world after a certain age? I so miss that feeling of openess from childhood. Some of the beautiful memories that were never tinged with the feelings of saddness and despair and fear include:

1. Getting my very own clarinet and starting to play it in the school band in 4th grade.
2. My first library card when I was in third grade.
3. The excitement of seeing and riding in my grandfather's new car when I was in the third grade
4. Walking in the woods with my father following a huge blizzard in the winter of 3rd grade
5. Cutting, building, and decorating my first gingerbread house with my mother near Christmas during third grade.
6. The first time I snuck out back with one of my father's pipes and a pinch of Sir Walter Raleigh from his tobacco canister in the summer between third and fourth grade.
7. Catching and watching a Luna moth my father and I stayed up most of the evening to capture.
8. Reading the Origin of Species in the 4th grade.

These are just a few of many memories from childhood. I know we all have similar memories. It is the lack of baggage that these memories have associated with them that is what I yearn for and miss. I do not know how to get back (if it is at all possible) that feeling of oneness with a perfect moment... to not have the weight/baggage/fear/despair of the world as a yoke upon me which I can never escape.

PipeTobacco