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Not Sure

I feel my extended family has yet to fully recover from the death of my niece eleven years ago. As I alluded to yesterday, she committed suicide on December 20, 1994. Here are some facts about the incident:

1. She was seventeen years old and was stupid.

2. She was a senior in high school and was at the top of her class.

3. She was accepted to the college of her choice and received substantial scholarships with more likely to have been given.

4. She wanted to become a high school teacher.

5. If she had lived, she would be 28 years old currently.

6. She, of course, will never be 28 years old.

7. She killed herself by overdosing on calcium channel blockers used to treat hypertension.

8. She was very artistic and creative.

9. She was moved by the rock singer, Kurt Cobain, and may have been influenced somewhat by his own suicide a few months earlier.

10. There was no note.

11. After she took the pills in her bedroom upstairs, her friend (with whom she was talking on the phone) hung up and called a neighbor friend to run over to tell her mother (my sister).

12. She then was woken up and walked downstairs and was driven to the hospital.

13. The people at the hospital induced vomiting by giving her charcoal to drink and also a syrup to encourage vomiting. She did this fully concious.

14. The doctors thought all was ok (stupid idiots) and decided to not give a blood transfusion. She talked with us and was in good spirits and was apologetic and actually even laughed a bit.

15. Apparently she either did not vomit out all of the medication and enough remained that it kept increasing in her bloodstream.

16. The medication then became toxic and caused her heart to fail.

17. She was unable to be revived because there was no way to reduce the amount of this medication in her bloodstream.

18. She died 15 hours after taking the medication.

It has been an incredibly devestating event in our family, and I do not think we have recovered. I am not sure if it is possible to recover. We have moved on, but each of us has a different burden, scar, or issue from this event. It was the culmnation of a very rough year in which 7 major relatives or friends of the family died.

I think we have all been changed by this event. I believe I am more callous and hardened because of this. I think my sister (the girl's mother) lives in the past primairly now. My youngest brother has been partially broke by this tragedy (he was away finishing his post-doc training when it happened). Other of my siblings have been affected in various other ways as well. My sister's other three children have had a variety of issues since the event.

It is so sad. Suicide, or the thought of suicide is NEVER the answer.

PipeTobacco