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Sad

As you can tell, yesterday was not a good day for me. I was upset about many, many things. I am not denying my anger at Blogger and Google and Internet Explorer, but I as everyone else, will simply have to deal with it. I will not take my site down because of these annoyances, even though they still frustrate.

I also presume I will simply remain a mute presence on Andrew's blog. I do not think he spends any time reading here anymore so, it is unlikely he would see comments I leave for him anyhow. I guess it does not really matter, as I think he is more involved with the many other, younger, friends he has acquired and my role has become rather superfulous anyhow. Therefore, no action is needed by me to fix that avenue either.

I am also sad and frustrated because I was very, very angry last night. Fortunately, my wife was very understanding and allowed me to talk (rant) it out. I was mad at numerous things at work, mad about students, mad about final exams, angry about my lack of time to do anything at work, frustrated at constraints on my day, angry and frustrated about virtually every aspect of my life. It helped to be able to express myself to my wife, yet I feel very sad, disappointed, and guilty that I could not figure out a way to hold it "together" and simply internalize those feelings of anger and frustration and deal with them myself. I yelled and cursed and cried and wept and fortunately my wife understood and helped me, but I still hate that I was that way. It is unfair and unjustified for me to express that sort of emotion around those that I love. It truly makes me fearful that now because I was so upset and did not appreciate all the good that I do have, now God or fate or circumstance will "teach me a lesson" and really make something horrid happen to me or my family. It makes me so very, very remorseful and sad.

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