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Saddness & Rage

I do not think it shall ever quit. Memories of a happy, carefree life seem like a fiction novel I only can read about but not experience.

I was sad today because my mother's weight keeps elevating again. I fear she will be back at the hospital before Christmas or worse.

We read in the newspaper that a favorite priest from many years ago passed away today. He will be greatly missed. My mother was very sad about this news as well.

My wife and I had difficulty communicating effectively with each other both yesterday and today. The lack of communication caused hurt feelings in both of us. It appears when we are under stress and especially when we are under time stress, we have difficulty getting our points across without them a) feeling hurtful, b) being misunderstood, or c) causing rancor.

An idiotic, rude, obnoxious, and I personally believe, fraudulant scientific supply company has tried to gouge me out of $1000 for *shipping* of a small piece of equipment no bigger than 24"x24" and weighing perhaps 35 pounds. It was indeed the icing on the cake of a very bad day.

I feel I have lost footing on what it means to have joy in life. I miss joy and happiness so very much.

Also, now, since it is past midnight. Today, the 20th is also the anniversary of the suicide death of a niece in my family. It is still a raw, open, gaping wound.

PipeTobacco