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Kentucky Bluegrass

Not a whole helluva lot to write about. I seem to have lost the ability to taste the flavor of life, to drink it its nuances, to consume its richness. It seems these days that I simply exist and I simply drift. Drifting from one task to the next, from one step to the next. Time passes slowly or quickly, it matters not, for it simply prattles on quietly like the grains of sand falling to the base of an hourglass... meaningless, yet too full of meaning due to the impending sense of finality, of death, of the end.

My wife and I have had a rough day on Saturday. The issue is as always, communication. There are perhaps 2-3 behaviors that each of us has that can so easily trigger misunderstanding and hurt feelings. We both try to watch out for them, but they happen none-the-less. Saturday's incident revolved around one of us giving the other "attitude" which caused hurt feelings. The "attitude" was given because one of us thought a decision had been reached on an (extremely inconsequential) issue, whereas the other of us did not yet feel we had made a firm decision. The one of us who believed we had a firm decision became quite disagreeable towards the other of us who felt the issue was still being discussed.

I used to feel satisfaction in so many things in life. In work, in doing things for my family, in volunteering, in reading, in writing, in goals of all manners and sorts. Now I seem to have forgotten or grown immune to feeling satisfaction in just about every thing I do. I am just going through the motions of late. It feels sad. It is simply one task after another task to work through. No joy, no sorrow, no anything. Yet, nothing is so egregious that I have enough stimulus or energy to change it. I simply drift.

Perhaps the largest "success" I have had in the last 10 weeks or more is that the rolls of sod I purchased have seemed to meld well with the rest of the lawn and appear healthy. The rolls of sod were made from Kentucky Bluegrass seed. Yippee.

I miss my father. I miss my mother. I miss myself.

PipeTobacco