Brief
Not much time at the moment. Quick list:
1. Thoughts are swirling and moving all around me about the suicide. I must write about my feelings about it, but have no time yet. It was utterly horrible and has brought back a lot of emotions about other suicides I have unfortunately experienced in my family & community.
2. Life has transitioned from a very difficult, but manageable "cyborging" to a period of panic as a) the suicide obliterated so many patterns and plans, b) Covid-19 has so exponentially accelerated and has left us in the midst of an enormous "hot zone" which has upended all day-to-day life and expectations and created sheer havoc with all of my classes, the expectations in the classes, and the delivery I had been building in all the classes. I am starting again from scratch, trying to remake everything for the remainder of the semester AGAIN.
3. E-mail from students is so fast and furious, and so blindingly unable to be dealt with.
4. We have had 3 inches of snow in the last 2 hours, so I will not be able to run outside tomorrow and must fuss with the damn treadmill to make sure can get the damn thing working for tomorrow.
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And, yet, I have to take one moment to acknowledge my father's birthday. Today he would be 97 years old today. I could not and cannot do ANYTHING that I normally would do to acknowledge his life and my love for him, other than these brief damn sentences.
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It is a sad state of affairs at the moment. Damn hard, and damn sad.
PipeTobacco
7 Comments:
I have to think that your father would be very proud of you, seeing you soldier onward diligently and responsibly through all the troubles. Even if you don't have the bond of the pipe to share with him, I trust you feel that you share a very living bond with him by being a very good son.
This world is hard or should I say a bumpy ride.
I have to say at times I am not sure where and why I have such anger.
Stay Safe and Coffee is on.
I knew enough not to pester you in your absence, but it is good to know that you are surviving in some way.
Sometimes you just have to throw your arms up and let everything just GO for an hour, or a day... You're allowed to care for yourself, Professor. Otherwise, you implode...and that does no one any good...
A prayer for you. Very tough times, and yours is especially.
I hadn't learned the bad news until today and I am so sorry. It sounds like a very stressful time for you. Be kind to yourself, take care of yourself, don't push yourself to "do it all" right now.
Hard days now. A suicide rips the world around you. Its a heavy load. Prayers for peace to you. I hope Thanksgiving will reveal a glimmer of light and hope for you.
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