Cycles
I am again in the midst of a mental/emotional cycle where I am deeply yearning to smoke my pipes and pipe tobaccos. The desire, the focus, the intensity of the call of my pipe tobaccos is just the same today as it was during the first weeks after I began to refrain.
I have not been able to discern any sort of pattern or cycle as to when these deeply intense cravings may appear. If I did notice a pattern, it would be helpful for me, to be better prepared. But, currently, all I can say is that there are times where my cravings become exceedingly intense.... but there is no recognizable reason, trigger, cycle, or pattern that helps in predicting WHEN these will occur.
As I have mentioned before, there are a large number of days where I have a relatively consistent, moderate-level interest, desire to smoke my pipes. It seems that perhaps about 80% of my days are like this.... a moderate, and recognizable, but manageable interest in pipes, smoking pipes, etc.... but that relatively moderate intensity level is manageable, and has in many ways become my "normal".
And, interestingly enough, there are perhaps ~10-15% of days where I *almost* have no particular thoughts about pipes, pipe tobaccos, and my pipe smoking. I may hardly think about my pipes on these days other than for a moment or two when I first awaken and prepare to run, and when I mentally turn on my memory/imagination as I lay down to sleep where I recall the various trips to pipe shops, the various happy and memorable experiences I have had with my pipes and pipe smoking..... to create a calming, peaceful mindset so I readily drift off to sleep for the evening.
But... 5-10% of days..... those days, where I so crave, so want, so deeply feel "need" for my friendly pipes and pipe tobaccos.... those are ROUGH AS HELL to work through. It takes me significant energy and resolve on those days. These types of days are exhausting, because it is akin to the classic devil/angel analogy.... on my one shoulder, I hear my "devilish" side of my "id" suggest.... "Oh, yeah, what the heck are you waiting for.... grab one of your pipes, light it and enjoy the pure hedonism of its beautiful pipe tobacco leaf! It would be so very wonderful!!! Pure bliss and joy!!!" Yet, the "angelic" side of my "id" also speaks into my ear, and tells me, "No, you should refrain. Perhaps.... maybe.... some day there WILL be a reason, a WAY, a correct path for you to indulge again. But you need to FIND that existing path where it can be possible and correct to do so. It is not appropriate for you to simply blaze your own path, your own trail. It is not right to just do what you want without care. It is not good to follow only selfish desire... it is not how you are meant to behave or live. You must wait."
Today is a helluva tough day in this regard.
PipeTobacco
4 Comments:
What do your father and father-in-law think about your current abstinence? As a Roman Catholic, I'm sure you think in terms of the Church Triumphant and Church Militant as still being connected, so your current abstinence is surely colored by whether you see them as supporting your abstinence, or whether they would disapprove of it, as if you were somehow dishonoring your heritage by breaking this connection with a beloved past.
In that regard, I appreciate the "devil/angel on the shoulder" analogy... but while your ultimate conclusion is of course 100% sound ("find the right path, don't just blaze your own, separate from your ancestors"), are you sure yet which voice is the angelic one and which is the devilish? For all we know, the devil is pridefully urging you to show your wonderfulness and modernity and superiority to your ancestors by abstaining pridefully, while your angel wishes you would humbly accept your place in the Great Chain of Being, pipe in hand. I'm sure you are listening carefully, and when the time is right you will be able to have confidence that you are on the right track. Best wishes with it all!
P.S. I hope you have a few motivated and engaged students to help balance the unpleasantness of the snotty student you mentioned yesterday.
Could the switch to standard time a week ago triggered your craving? Mental health experts are beginning to notice the repercussions of this practice.
Would the melding of flame and tobacco really be apocalyptic or negative? I remember your posts when you were puffing on your pipe. It seemed like a natural part of your identity. Life was not perfect...but your pipe was a great comfort to you. Helped you to think, too, as I recall...I don't know you well, Professor. But it seemed that you were a gent born to smoke a pipe. You're even a University Professor, the classic pipeman archetype...Just my thoughts, not anybody else's
my take on smoking of any kind...you look at AA, rehab of any kind...they will kick, meth, alcohol, heroin, opioids, etc..but one thing they don't have any success with ? smoking..ease up my friend...you got this..
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