Not Present, Nor Prescient
(PCS = 4)
Today is turning out to be pretty damn much a vacuous day. If I could focus, I might be able to rustle up discouragement at this. But, I feel just as if I am drifting/coasting.
- I did run 10.2 miles this morning, however. I had to get them done. Yesterday, I had to break my run into two parts because I did not have enough time, so I forced myself to add a bit more to atone for the breaking the run into to parts. Yesterday's TOTAL mileage was 11.2 miles.
- So, the combined effort of Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday this week has had me thus far run 31.6 miles (~51km). Not too horribly shabby across three days.
I think I am just going to say "to-hell-with-it" in terms of U work today. I am actually caught up and ahead of things for once. I think I will:
a) perhaps go get a haircut
b) unpack, uncover, set out the backyard furniture.
c) maybe I will go do some picture hanging and fussy house related tasks I have been meaning to get done.
d) maybe I will start working on dismantling/refurbishing an old metal clarinet that has been sitting, waiting for me in the basement to begin working on. It looks like a piece of trash currently, but underneath all the tarnish, grunge, and film, I think it will turn out pretty beautiful. And, relining and repairing the case will be enjoyable too. It is similar to the model in the photo above..... but in just a little bit worse shape (especially the case).
I am awfully glad my pipe craving score has been lower yesterday and today (3 & 4) respectively. It is much easier when it is at those levels. I still think about pipes and pipe smoking at those levels, but it is a general, happier feeling that is involving a lot of remembrance of wonderful times in the past and almost vicariously being able to think through them and relive them to some small degree. When my pipe craving score hits 6 or higher, that is a far more difficult experience. Not only do I end up thinking about my pipes and pipe tobaccos, but there is a longing or a desire that is deep and yearning to feel the textures of the smoke, to taste the flavors, to experience the relaxation of the indulgence, to feel its beauty and magic permeate me. When I get a to an 8 or more, it is a tremendous amount of effort that I have to put forth to keep from indulging. 3's and 4's are a helluva lot easier.... almost like a vacation. It has been just a tad over 3.33 years now since I have experienced the joy of a pipe.
PipeTobacco
8 Comments:
I had always thought of pipes as less of a craving, but it's apparent that I'm wrong. It's good to have those memories without going back to the reality.
After 3+ years, I wonder: Have you gained a good sense of what factors may trigger an increase in your PCS, and what other factors may militate against it? If so, I assume you can -- at least to some degree -- balance the two. In other words, if you know that your day will trigger a rise in your PCS, you may be able to balance it with other activities/circumstances that help lower it. And, eventually, if you decide to return to your old joys, you can even make the paradoxical choice to do so on a "low PCS" day, when you'll know you aren't losing the battle with a deep yearning, but rather are winning a renewed appreciation and ability to engage in a beloved pastime. Until then, I agree with Margaret above; it's wonderful that you can "return" fearlessly to so many happy pipe-memories that can give you a kind of satisfaction even without their physical counterparts.
I have tried to discern a pattern, because (as you say) it would help me to figure out how to cope more easily. But, this far, I really do not recognize any true patterns. For a while I thought that stress *might* be a trigger of deeper yearnings..... but it does not seem to pan out that way.
As it stands, it just seems to be different every day.
PipeTobacco
I think you work too hard, so you deserve as many break days as you can manage. Did I ask you already why you never get semesters off?
There all those project looming about.
Coffee is on and stay safe
I'm having one of those days today!
Glad you took some time off.
i hate to bear bad news, but retirement isn't quite the big rock candy mountain i was expecting. but kudos on the running.
I admire your dedication to running more than your abstaining from your pipes..
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