So Odd
You may remember that yesterday, my PCS was a "2" and it was similarly in the "2" and "3" ranges through much of the earlier part of the week.
With no real rhyme nor reason I can discern, today my PCS is again up to roughly an "8". I have been feeling a deep yearning to smoke my pipes and pipe tobaccos. My mind easily drifts away from the various tasks I am doing and migrates to imagining smoking a pipe.
I guess, though, I can say it is a bit more specific in some ways as well. In all of my mental meanderings from task today, in my imagination, I am remembering how joyful and simple it was to smoke a pipe in earlier decades. I remember teachers in school, and professors in college who would smoke in class, especially on days when they were monitoring us during exams. I remember how common place smoking was in meetings, and in just day-to-day activities.
The undulations in my PCS score still surprise me, even though I have experienced them now for over three years. Just so interestingly odd and unanticipated.
* * * * *
In an earlier post's comment, Pat gave a suggestion that I should consider throwing away, giving away, or selling my pipes. The comment was made in reference to my suggestion as to the only way I could likely stop the undulations of PCS scores would be to actively seek to generate hatred of pipes and pipe tobaccos in myself.
Yet, I do not think I could successful create that sort of veil of hatred for pipes and pipe tobaccos. I think it is not in my makeup to do so.
And, the thought of throwing away, giving away, or selling my pipes... while technically, I think I could force myself to do this.... I believe that a) it would leave me uncomfortable and sad, b) I think it would NOT prove an aid to reducing or eliminating the higher ranges of my PCS score. The logic of the idea does *appear* sound.... but I also do realize that in practice, there are numerous times where I will casually fall into daydreaming of smoking my pipes and tobaccos even when I am nowhere near them.... it is easy enough to do anytime... anywhere. :)
Truthfully, as inane as it may sound to someone who does not like pipes and pipe tobaccos.... the thought of them and the thought of indulging in them feels creative, feels beautiful, feels artistic, feels fulfilling, and feels affirming. I do not think there is a way to rewire my brain to believe otherwise.
PipeTobacco
7 Comments:
It seems I didn't express myself quite well enough earlier. No, I don't think that selling your pipes would lower your PCS scores. What it would do is help prevent an 8+ from all-too-quickly becoming an "I'm smoking again" situation that you might beat yourself up about.
On the other hand, reading this latest post, maybe there's another way to think about your dilemma. Who among us would NOT want to feel creative, beautiful, artistic, fulfilled, and affirmed? Yet, by your own testimony, that's what you're depriving yourself of when you abstain from your pipes!
Does your university have a mandatory (or strongly pushed) retirement age? Would one resolution to your dilemma simply be to promise yourself that you WILL go back to your pipes as soon as you no longer need to interact with your university and its smoking restrictions? If you could set for yourself a firm "return" date several years from now, maybe that, too, would help prevent an 8+ PCS day from putting you at risk of returning to your beloved pastime.
"At risk of returning to your beloved pastime"? How odd it feels to write that. Anyway, I hope you continue to enjoy your pipe dreams and reveries!
My dad used to smoke a pipe, then cigarettes. As a teacher, it became too difficult to do so, thus he gave it up. I much preferred the smell of his pipe to the cigarettes and can understand the longing.
I suppose as long as you don't keep tobacco on the premises, you can't exactly crater in the moment. You would have to work to get the tobacco, and by then, you might have regained control. Should you want to keep going this route, that is.
Its odd, but my moments of yearning for a good smoke have all but disappeared. Though I know I am but a stop at 7 Eleven away from getting back into the bad habit. And in the meantime, I still have not thrown out ash trays, lighters and the other remenants of my smoking days. BTW - Does PCS score refer to Pain Catastrophizing Scale?
PCS = Pipe Craving Score..... and for me I had anticipated a rather standard decline in cravings the farther away I have gotten from smoking a pipe.... but I find it undulates considerably for me.... sometimes low and sometimes high.
just think of how many days you have added to your life by not smoking..
Thank you for explaining the meaning of "PCS."
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