Coffee
I am finishing up my huge iced coffee (black with as a treat, just a tiny splash of sugar-free hazelnut flavoring). Feeling nervous yet hopeful on a number of fronts:
- The upcoming meeting with the Dean. I have to explain the very valuable and important program I am proposing. He is not a biologist, though, and is not as "cognizant" of things as he could be, so it is sometimes an uphill battle to try to garner his support.
- I ran ONLY 6.2 miles (10 km) this morning... and I am happy about it! Happy because I only needed to have ran 5.7 miles (~9 km) this morning to reach my weekly goal.... so I have the goal of 50+ miles (~81+ km) done for the week! It felt rather luxurious only running 10K! I was finished almost before I felt I had gotten warmed up! :)
- Getting documents to the lab coordinator in our Department for Fall ordering. The person is a bit fussy, so I am having to be more meticulous than my Summer brain wants to be.... but I will get it done.
- I have been thinking a lot and wondering if PERHAPS I am strong enough willed to actually make a go of having some sort of occasional foray to the pipe shop that is ~45 minutes or so away? Do I have enough willpower, enough stubbornness perhaps, or enough gumption to do so on a rare occasion.... without falling back into a comfortable, old pattern? It is interesting that last night while I was thinking about this while falling asleep, that I felt a palpable, tingle of excitement at even considering it.
- Paul Desmond's version of "A Taste of Honey" from his "Glad to Be Unhappy" album is playing on my Pandora channel at the moment..... as I now wrap up this post for today.... so I can get back to work.
4 Comments:
Professor, I wish you could believe that there is nothing wrong with "a comfortable, old pattern" when that pattern brings peace and joy and uplift to your life.
Gumption or not, you have made it clear that you don't want your beloved pipes and tobaccos to be entirely absent from your life. You won't "will" them out of your life, and you don't want to. So, with that clarity in mind, it makes a lot of sense for you to do something to get a better sense of your will. It has been more than six months since your Iwan Ries indulgence, and three months since your missed opportunity in Des Moines. So, here's my suggestion.
Visit your "nearby" tobacconist, 45 minutes away. Enjoy a pipe or two. Then resolve that you will not smoke you pipes for at least three months after that visit.
If you can maintain your resolve, plan on another visit sometime in October (unless conferences take you to another distant pipe shop), and hope that you can be happy with quarterly indulgences in your beloved pastime. But if you cannot maintain your resolve, do not take it as a failure or a falling off a wagon. Take it as an acknowledgment of who you are as a pipe smoker.
Please consider that a "comfortable, old pattern" is a good thing, and having one is not having failed. Whether your visit to the nearby tobacconist establishes a quarterly pattern for you, or whether it confirms that you need the weekly or even daily comfort of that happy old pattern, either outcome is a different kind of victory over the agonies you've been putting yourself through.
Have a good weekend.
Yes, you DO have the willpower! And if you find yourself slip sliding, you can then give that up. You have before and can again. Fingers crossed that your meeting with the dean will go well.
you got his.
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