The Thoughts of a Frumpy Professor

............................................ ............................................ A blog devoted to the ramblings of a small town, middle aged college professor as he experiences life and all its strange variances.

Saturday, December 14, 2019

Surprise Saturday Post

Although it is not my usual behavior to post on a Saturday, today is an exception.  It is an exception because it is the date of a milestone of sorts.  It has been now 22 months since I began abstaining from my beloved pipes and pipe tobaccos.

I *should* be feeling exuberant and ebullient about having accomplished such a task.  I feel that way with running milestones I reach.  I *could* take pride and satisfaction in testing myself to go beyond what I thought were limits in myself.  I do feel pride and satisfaction in my successful weight loss.

But, truth be told... deep inside, the best I am able to muster about this “accomplishment” is indifference.  And, feeling indifferent does often take a lot of work and energy.  This is because to this day, I often do not feel indifferent.... I feel loss.

Yet, at the very same time... I can wrangle my mind into seeing me from an “outsider’s perspective” meaning I can see in my mind’s eye how suggesting I “feel loss” may readily appear as if I am overdramatizing, or being melancholic.... believe me.... for those of you who think this..... I know, and I can understand how it may legitimately appear that way.

Loss though, seems deep inside my mind, to be a truthful and collective  rendering of the sensations and emotions that roil through the wiring.   And, I often wonder if this is as good as it “gets” for this sort of endeavor, or if I persevere, will a time someday arrive where I will be relishing the increasing temporal milestones?

PipeTobacco

6 Comments:

Blogger Pat McDowell said...

An old friend of mine gave up his pipes in 1990. I recall a conversation we had shortly after the November 1996 elections, at which time he told me that he still missed his pipes terribly, and would probably go back to them if he hadn't given away his pipe collection a year before. More recently, he has been saying that he will probably go back to his pipes if his wife predeceases him, even though it has been nearly 30 years since he gave them up. Instead of being proud of nearly 30 years of abstinence, he has determined that only his love of his wife (who wants him to abstain) is stronger than his desire to enjoy his pipes. At night, asleep in his dreams, he is often still a pipe smoker, even though he has been abstaining for 27 years longer than you have.

If that's any sort of typical reaction, I suggest that you give up your pipe collection if you are serious about abstaining... but even then you may eventually find your way back. If you keep your pipes and tobaccos around, I suspect that your subconscious is arranging for you to return to the pastime conveniently when something spurs you to do so.

Saturday, 14 December, 2019  
Blogger Anvilcloud said...

It is a milestone of personal achievement that involves a personal loss.

Saturday, 14 December, 2019  
Blogger PipeTobacco said...

Pat: I understand the loss you friend still feels. It is a bit disheartening to think of that lasting so long, but in a similar vein it is also touching and poignant because it does speak of how ingrained and indelible the ritual/habit/hobby/avocation (the correct moniker is difficult to pinpoint) can be to a person who has been shaped by them.

I also understand your idea of why to discard my pipes and pipe tobaccos. Yet, I cannot truthfully seriously contemplate doing such. It would be akin to tossing aside a friend, or casting out a photograph to attempt to abolish a memory. It just feels wrong to get rid of them. Though you are right that they do tempt me, their presence also befriends me, even though unused.

And, yes, perhaps some day I will go back to them. Perhaps with a sense of failure, or perhaps with a sense of joy. It is not an easy world.

PipeTobacco

Saturday, 14 December, 2019  
Blogger PipeTobacco said...

AC: Very well stated, yet also hard to understand deep inside myself.

PipeTobacco

Saturday, 14 December, 2019  
Blogger PipeTobacco said...

Pat: Another thought I had from your comment is concerning your friend’s wife. In some ways, his abstaining has a “mission” of sorts... it is pleasing his wife. In my own case, my wife is truthfully neither for or against my pipe smoking. She always accepted it as a part of me, I had always done so, before we even met. I wonder if that “good” he does in pleasing his wife is helpful for him? I suspect it is so.

PipeTobacco

Saturday, 14 December, 2019  
Blogger BBC said...

You haven't lost a damn thing.

Tuesday, 17 December, 2019  

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