The worm turns of course.

I am feeling utterly sad and exhausted. All the energy I had has been wrung out of my due to an argument my wife and I had this morning. I cannot reiterate all the details here because of a lack of energy. But a synopsis is that my wife was angry at me for talking to others on the phone for a longer period of time than I talked to her on the phone yesterday.

She is in fact, correct. Here is why I talked to others on the phone longer than I talked to her on the phone:

1. I *did* call her but she was not at home. She was shopping. Therefore I could not talk during that time.

2. I talked on the phone to my elderly mother for several reasons.... I was getting a household repair looked into for her, I was working on updating her perscriptions and getting the next 90-day supply ordered via the mail.

3. I talked with two collaborators of mine on the phone about research.

4. When I called her later on, the phone was busy.

As you can see, the behavioral response from my wife is overtly negative. The response is also illogical and irrational. But it sure *is* emotional.

I honestly do not know what to do. I am tired and anxious and stressed and angry about having to deal with such chaotic, illogical emotion. And to be perfectly frank, it is not the first time by any stretch of the imagination.

My wife is a truly loving, caring, wonderful human being. I love her to pieces and I relish when she is happy. But almost like clockwork, she will have these horrid, nasty, mean-spirited moods where she doesn't like anyone and thinks that I do not care about her. She also usually thinks during these times that everyone is against her or doesn't love her. And +99% of the time, these thoughts are illogical and irrational.

It is such a weight to bear during these times. I literally cannot stand it. I am exhaused and depressed and angry and frustrated. I do not need her to behave in this manner and I do not deserve for her to behave in this manner towards me. Yet, if I try to talk it through logically it will make her cry and sob. If I try to explain to her how this chaos feels to *my* emotions it makes her cry and sob. The only variations in her mood in the last 24 hours have been to move from being moody/angry to being crying/sobbing.

I do not feel like writing more right now. I would like to crawl in a hole and sleep away the winter.

PipeTobacco