.
Ending It All

I really do not know what to do sometimes. I feel so angry, frustrated and despondent about things that all I want to do is cry or sleep. But that is no way to live life. That is not a way to be every day and every moment.

I need to end all of this, and my plan is simple. I will simply try to carry on each and every day in the way and manner in which I *think* I should live and ignore all the feelings of sadness and tiredness I have. This is a helluva lot easier to say than to do, I know. But, if I can perhaps somehow *ignore* my feelings for the time it takes to get STARTED to do an activity or task, I can then often get immersed in the task itself and feel a sense of accomplishment. I can then allow myself to think about an examine my feelings (if need be) while doing the task and still be productive. I also need to have a plan of *possible* small goals I can strive for each day. I feel a bit better when I do actually *do something*, but getting up the gumption to start is a stumbling block.

A final thought I need to also consider is that a major stumbling block for me of late has been the starting of a project but not seeing it to fruition. I think if I can somehow force myself into sticking with projects to an actual endpoint, I will feel much, much better.

The hope is to somehow WORK my way out of this sadness. I am also considering the possibility of a serotonin reuptake inhibitor medication. I have tentatively made an appointment with the "doc" next Tuesday. If I decide I should go.

PipeTobacco