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Sad & Lonely



My wife was in a poor mood last night. She is attempting to eat better and perhaps lose some weight. I tried to be supportive and consoling as she had a difficult time where she ate dinner and was angry that she did not eat what the others were having but instead ate something healthier. I tried to listen and console her, but she ended up biting my head off.

So, after that, I tried to let my own feelings go about getting crabbed at when I was trying to be supportive. We went into the family room to watch television and to plan a menu for the upcoming week. We start to write out a menu, and then without saying she wanted to talk about something else, or without completing the menu with me, she starts talking about a whole different, unrelated subject about work schedules the next day. I sit there an listen but do not respond, as a) I don't know where this new discussion is coming from, b) I do not see any link between it and the menu we were working on so I wonder if there is some sort of hidden agenda that is linking these two topics, and c) frankly, I am feeling very cautious about saying ANYTHING after the response I received while trying to be supportive. I also do not respond because there was no question asked of me. My wife just started talking about what she was going to do the next day, not asking me what I was doing, not asking me any questions or requesting any sort of support or help. It was as if we were on another track of the same record... it seemed a wholly separate topic with no questions or anything.

So, after the getting snapped at earlier, and then having the conversation drift into topics that I did not understand why they were being brought up, I thought it best to be quite quiet as I was feeling I was on very shaky ground in terms of trying to avoid an argument or disagreement.

We watch two shows on television with minimal small talk. I am rather hoping my wife will simply go to bed and perhaps a good night's rest will make things back to normal in the morning. I felt good about not responding back to her in an angry way and thought that this would allow the situation to pass relatively easily.

Well, that is not what happened. My wife went upstairs for a few minutes, and then came back downstairs and started to act angry at me for a) being "mean" in the kitchen and not consoling her about her struggles with eating, b) for not responding in the subject of schedules, and c) for being "silent" while watching television.

Unfortunately, being accused of all that finally got under my skin and we then argued for about an hour. Fruitless, pointless arguing.

So, now I feel sad, lonely, and alone.

It makes me feel angry too. I tired very hard to be helpful and supportive and consoling as she angrily talked about being at her mother's and how she wanted to eat pizza and breadsticks. Instead, she ate a big, fancy salad and a chicken wrap. I told her that she should be proud that she resisted and did what she said she was going to do. And I also said that I understood how she was feeling, because I had felt similar struggles when I initially started to eat more healthily. So, I do not know what the hell it was that I said that triggered her to snap at me. And, in reality, there may *not* have been anything I said. It may be simply that she was mad at everything at the time. That is why I let it "go" initially and started to tread very lightly... because if my trying to be a good supportive friend and husband about her struggles with food in this instance were met with such rancor, then the reality was that I was at risk for receiving more griping and anger towards me. And, to be frank, I do not handle getting yelled at very well, so I thought it best to be quiet. And, yet, as you can see from the above, that did not work well either.

So, again, I guess that is it. I am sad, and lonely, and frustrated, and actually quite angry.

PipeTobacco